What Is Love
by tonstar17
Summary: Does Leonard feel completely loved. Penny does something that brings out Leonard's insecurities. Will they be able to survive the consequences of penny's actions and pain. Is this the end of Leonard and Penny.
1. Chapter 1

"Penny, who are you texting"? Leonard's asked.

"Oh just a friend Penny replied, "why?"

"just that you have been texting for the last hour and you seem distracted from our conversation". Penny puts her phone down on the table and looks at Leonard, "Sorry we were just fooling around, I stop now", smilling at him

"Should I be worried" as Leonard looks away thinking what is she up to?. All the time Penny has been texting, she seems distracted, had this smile on her face and was sure a couple of time she was blushing, is she texting a guy. Leonard wondered,

"Of course not, reassuring him. It's just a friend and we are just messing about so stop being paranoid for god sake", Penny gets up and head to the fridge to get some water, "would you like a drink"?

"No, I am fine thank you, just going to head next door and finish off my paper".

"Oh thought you were staying the night asked Penny."

"Yeah was going to but remembered my paper needs to be in tomorrow". Penny walks over to Leonard and kisses him on the cheek, "Do you fancy doing lunch tomorrow" Penny asked,

"Yeah ok, that will be nice, come over about 12.00 and we go out for something".

"It's a date Leonard, and I see you tomorrow" Leonard nods and head to the door,

"Goodnight Penny",

"Goodnight Leonard".

He walks into 4A still bothered about the ongoings of the evening and what Penny was up to, well at least Sheldon is in bed. Leonard sighs and wondered as he sits on the couch. What could have been so funny and why was Penny blushing so hard. She was definitely texting with a guy, is she cheating on me, all these scenarios came rushing into Leonard's head he shakes his head to get rid of those thoughts and over thinking things. I trust Penny, she wouldn't cheat on me or would she?. Stop it Leonard, she loves you and you know it. I should have just asked her who her friend was, why didn't I ask her. Leonard got up and heads to his bedroom thinking I trust Penny and will ask her tomorrow. He toss and turns in his bed not able to go to sleep, still troubled from the events of earlier. Penny seems distracted and most of the time he had to raise his voice to get her attention back to him as she was too busy on her phone and she would say, "sorry Leonard", "say that again, Leonard thought I need to get some sleep, an hour later, he fell asleep still unable to figure out what the hell was going on.

Leonard is at work having lunch with the guys in the cafeteria. Howard, Raj and Sheldon are discussing virtual time travel.

"According to exploratory study Virtual reality can be used to give the illusion of going back in time", said Raj

"That interesting, so going into the past increased the level of guilt the participants might feel". Howard replied.

Sheldon interjected "oh I don't know about that", but in a virtual world maybe subjects are able to reduce how many people a gunman kills, an event they had unknowingly been part of" Raj and Howard looked at each other and then Sheldon.

"Is that your theory" asked Raj.

" Well in a virtual world, participants could walk, talk and move similar to how they would in real life, and as previous studies have shown that people strongly associate with their virtual selves", boast Sheldon.

"You will know all about that" Howard smirked, Sheldon turns to Leonard and said,

"Leonard what your take on the whole virtual time travel? "Leonard", "Leonard"... Sheldon shouts, Leonard jumps "are you listening to me"

"Yes sorry, "what was your question?"

"Leonard, what's going on, you being very quiet all through lunch" asked Howard.

"Is is because Penny blew you out for lunch" said Raj. Howard & Raj laughing.

"No, No. I just got a lot on my mind that's all".

"Is this about Penny"? asked Sheldon.

"No, Leonard looks away and shrugs, "just work stuff". "I think I am going to go back to my lab, got a lots of work to catch up on" Leonard gets up and leaves the cafeteria. The three then look at each other and says in unison. "YEP PENNY"

Leonard enters 4B to see Penny sitting on her couch reading something on her phone. "Hi Penny". Ten seconds later, Penny looks up and say "oh hi Leonard, how was your day?", and looks back down reading her phone and smiling at it".

"It was fine", he responed.

"Penny. "What happen to you today, we were supposed to meet for lunch and you never showed up", Penny finally put her phone down, "where we"?.

"Yes it was your idea remember".

"Oh My God" remembering, "I am so sorry I forgot and my phone died…"

"So you haven't seen the texts and the voicemail I send you" asked Leonard.

"I… was. "No" Just going through my phone now, I had a few messages I am really sorry, I will make It up to you". Penny gets up and goes over to Leonard and put her arm around his neck and kisses him passionately on the lips, with a saucy look, Penny releases Leonard and walks toward her bedroom "I am just going to take a quick shower while don't you see what's in the fridge for dinner", Leonard wondered If she was telling the truth, I believes her as there was no reason not to, but after the no show for lunch, he was not so sure now, did she meet up with her new friend?. And this morning when he entered her apartment to say goodbye, she quickly put her phone away and there was that blush again, I really need to talk to Penny about this, Its driving me crazy..

Leonard's thoughts were broken by Penny's phone pinging, he looks over at her phone on the table and saw the name that flashed up, that's definitely a guy's name.

He wondered, should he go through her phone?, NO… I trust Penny but his doubts are overwhelming now and his curiosity was getting the better of him, he could hear the shower going so there was no chance of Penny walking in on him Leonard decides to take a look at Penny's phone. Heart beating fast and wondering If he might need his inhaler, he reads the message review.

Just a joke but you are like sex on legs and Thanks for meeting me for lunch, we should do it again, or maybe dinner xx.

Leonard read through the other read messages and was shocked at what Penny & this guy were texting each other. Leonard fell back on the couch and puts both hands over his face, tears in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N. I am a Lenny Shipper and love Leonard & Penny. I know some reviewers are not sure about this story or where it's going but all I ask is be patient with me and see it as a love story, they always start sad. I have had this story in my head for months and needed to write it as it's was doing my head in. :D.**

**I Own Nothing.**

**A Week Ago.**

Penny, Amy and Bernadette are sitting in Penny's living room enjoying girl's night.

"So Penny who are you texting" asked Bernadette. Penny seem zoned out.

Penny! Bernadette said again, "put your phone down for a minute you have been on it since we arrived, who are you texting anyway"? Penny looks up from her phone smiling.

"Sorry Just chatting to a friend".

"So it's not Leonard" starring at Penny with a confused look on her face, asked Amy.

"No" Penny replied, Bernadette turn to penny "oh my God you are texting a guy?" Penny blushes and looks away but knows she can't deny It, "It's nothing just a friend" trying to keep a straight face.

"Does Leonard know about this friend" asked Amy.

"No, he will just take it the wrong way" penny shrug.

"You think... Of Course he is going to. You are flirting with some guy" said Bernadette. "What… I am not flirting with anyone just talking" Penny said defensively."

"So why were you blushing and smiling when reading his text earlier. Penny thought, they noticed that! what else have they noticed, how am I going to get out of this, If they get too suspicious and tell Leonard he is not going to be happy even though there is nothing going on. Penny was brought out of her thoughts,

"This isn't fair on Leonard. If he finds out he is going to be devastated you need to stop this before its goes too far or tell him, said Bernadette pouring herself another glass of wine, "agreed" inputted Amy.

Penny looked at her friends and said "Alright! I guess you guys are right, It's not fair on Leonard I just text him and tell him my boyfriend is not happy with me texting another guy" Amy and Bernadette just nodded in agreement. Penny begins to type,

"There done" and puts her phone on the table,

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Leonard leaves Penny apartment shocked at what he had read not believing Penny had been flirting with this guy. What the hell he thought. Leonard composes himself and enter 4A to see all the gang sitting around discussing the events of their day. Leonard walks over to his chair and sits down. "Why are you not at Penny's aren't you suppose to have dinner there" asked Sheldon. Leonard just closes his eyes. "What wrong buddy said Howard? Without opening his eyes,"

I think Penny is cheating on me" silence filled the room as Howard asked nervously. "Why….. Would you think that? Leonard slowly open his eyes and said angrily "she has been texting this guy and flirting with him, she being acting strange and off the last week so I looked at her phone while she was in the shower.

She said she stopped, realizing what she said Amy put her hand over her month. "You knew about It Leonard asked"? Amy looked away and he looks around the room everyone seems nervous. He stands up and shouts "Who else knows" Waiting for an answer but got none. He turns to Howard. "Well" Howard looks to the floor, "we all do not making eye contact. "And you guys didn't think to tell me. I thought you guys were my friends"

"Leonard..." It not like that she promised us she stopped". Said Bernadette, Leonard walks toward the door "some friends" he muttered as he slams the door and goes down the stairs.

Leonard heads out the apartment block and just walks, confused and not able to make sense of all that has happened. Penny's betrayal and now his so called friends. I can't believe Penny is flirting with another guy, the most recent texts he read still fresh in his head.

**Guy: so you looked pretty today.**

**Penny: you wasn't so bad yourself.**

**Guy: I love your smile **

**Penny: stop it. But thank you**

**Guy: So how long have you had this problem?**

**Penny: What do you mean? **

**Guy: You Know, had a boyfriend. Sexy.**

**Penny: stop it lol, a few years now.**

**Guy: It's not going to last. Lol**

**Penny: And why is that then smooth talker.**

**Guy: Just a joke but you are like sex on legs and thanks for meeting me for lunch, we should do it again, maybe dinner xx?**

I wonder what her reply will be when she reads the last message, is she going to say yes to dinner with him. He didn't know what to think. So that's the reason she didn't turn up for their lunch date, she was meeting him, how could she, I thought she was happy. Leonard realize he been walking in circles, he stops in front of a bar and decides he need a stiff drink, thinking how long has this been going on. This guy also sounds rich. Penny dated a few rich guys in the past he thought maybe that what the attraction was. Has she slept with him? Is she going to meet up with him to go back to the hotel, what excuses is she going to come up with? So much was going through Leonard head as he orders a large whisky and necks it back neat. Another one please.

Penny came out of her bedroom dressed after her shower. "Did you find anything for dinner? Looking around puzzled as to where Leonard was. Maybe he just popped to the grocery store as there was probably nothing in the fridge she thought, Penny sits down to watch TV while she waited for Leonard to return. After about half an hour and still no Leonard Penny begins to get worried. Where is he? Could he had gone to 4A and forgot about dinner because he is playing one his nerdy games with his Friends, Penny decides to go over and see If Leonard was there a bit angry with him. Just as she's about to leave she noticed she has a message on her phone, she reads the message and thought don't like where this is going. She text back.

**I don't think that's a good idea, my boyfriend wouldn't be happy with that.**

He text back

**Come on, we could have dinner & I know a nice hotel where we can go and have some fun, It has a Jacuzzi and the champagne is on me.**

Penny was shocked at what she read. This needs to stop now, Bernadette and Amy were right this has gone too far Penny said out loud. Should have stopped this a week ago.

Penny went to 4A to see If Leonard was there as she enters 4A everyone stares at her which made her feel uncomfortable, she scans the room for Leonard but he wasn't there.

"Where is Leonard, asked Penny?"

"He is not here looking down at his food" Sheldon replied.

Penny senses something was not right, panic in her voice.

"Do... you know where he is? I need to talk to him. Sheldon"

He looks at Amy hoping for her to say something. She sensed this and jumps in for Sheldon

"He left about 30 minutes ago, he didn't say where he was going, we thought he was going over to yours".

"He was at mine earlier and I went to have a shower while he looked for something for dinner in the fridge, when I came out he was gone".

"Penny, he knows" said Bernadette, staring at Penny and shaking her head.

"Knows, knows what? Pretending not to know what she was talking about"

"We all know said Howard"

"You told them staring at Amy & Bernadette, you guys promised",

You also promised to stop, but it looks like you didn't, we didn't tell Leonard, he went through your phone why you were in the shower, I guess he must have suspected something, said Amy.

"I need to find Leonard and explain,"

"We don't know where he is, he came in and said he thinks you are cheating on him and then realized we all knew, accused us of not being his friends and stormed out. Thanks Penny" said an irritated Howard.

"What... I am not cheating on Leonard".

"well you're the one flirting with a guy and in my book that's kinda cheating and now he hates all of us, I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid said Raj"

"I would never cheat on him Penny said defensively, it was just a bit of harmless fun that went too far", "look" showing the text she send the guy, "I stopped it, told him not to text me anymore".

They all looked at the text, "you only did that 15 minutes ago, How could you do this to Leonard, what did you intend to gain from it except hurt the guy that loves you, said Howard.

"I am sorry guys, tears in her eyes" I didn't mean for this to happen"

A little too late for that I am afraid, said Sheldon. He walks towards his room upset at how penny was treating his friend. Amy goes after him while Bernadette, Howard and Raj get up to leave.

"I think you should be telling that to Leonard not us said Howard, "bye Penny"

Bernadette put her hand on her shoulder and said "I am sure he be back soon, maybe he just went for a walk to clear his head, he be back before you know it and then you can talk". "Bye Penny".

"I really hope so, I love him" said penny as the others leave to go home, Penny sat on Leonard chair sobbing as she mumbled to herself, what have I done, why do I always ruins things that are good in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is Chapter 3. It explains how Penny met the guy and how the texting started. **

Penny was waiting all evening for Leonard to get back, to no avail, she kept wondering if he was alright, his phone was switched off or his battery ran out and for some reason his voicemail was off. Penny was now getting worried and didn't know what to do.

Why did i have to play these silly games, he was the best thing that had happened to me why do I always take him for granted she thought. It was getting late and he still wasn't back, should i go and look for him, is he alright he didn't take his car and the thought of him being alone out there scared her,

Penny phone pinged; she grabbed it hoping it was from Leonard, she was disappointed when she saw it was from the guy Tom. She ignored it.

Penny swipes the tears that she couldn't stop from flowing. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to him, she curl up in a ball next to her door hoping for a sound to let her know Leonard is home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a few hours drinking and feeling tipsy, Leonard staggered out the bar barely able to walk. As the fresh air hits him, he felt sick, he threw up on the sidewalk, after a few minutes Leonard felt a little better, he walked towards home but he couldn't face Penny right now, he decided to check in to a motel for the night and deal with things in the morning.

Leonard was in bed in the motel, tears streaming down his face, he had been sick few more time in the bathroom room, drinking some water had helped his stomach settle. His thoughts went back to Penny, why did this have to happen, things have been so good lately?. What changed and why now. The texts messages still fresh in his mind. He slowly drifted off into a deep sleep with thoughts of the events still in his mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Penny was now very worried, Leonard still wasn't home, where could he be? Could he have gone to his lab or a colleague's penny thought, she tried ringing his phone again but it was still switched off.

Thinking of how she had hurt Leonard again or worst lost him, her thoughts were interrupted by her phone pinging again, it was from Tom, she was now getting angry with him, she text back.

**Leave me alone, I told you I am not interested.**

Her phone goes again a few minutes later.

**Can we talk please, I just want to apologise, I am outside your block.**

**Just go away, I don't want to talk to you.**

She ignored the next few messages from him.

Penny thoughts went back to Leonard. I think I have pushed him too far this time, is he ever going to forgive me? Why did I have to be so stupid to believe that jerk?

Penny met Tom at the cheesecake factory while she was serving him, they got talking and she mentioned that she was an actress and he said he could help her out as he is a producer and could get her some work, there was no reason not to believe him as he dressed really smart and his clothes looked very expensive, she guess he was charming and very polite so when he asked for her number she didn't hesitate. He called a couples of days later to say he might be able to set up an audition in the next couple of weeks which Penny was excited about and then the texting started and got flirty, Why didn't I stop it but it felt nice and If he was going to get me some acting work then the least I could do was flirt back. I wasn't going to do anything further then that as I love Leonard and will never cheat on him. Yes we clicked but not in a sexual way, I was never attracted to him in that way, I guess I was attracted by his power and being rich. Now I realise all he wanted to do was sleep with me and use me like he done with other girls and brain wash them into thinking he can make their dreams come true. I am glad I found out his true colours.

I am so sorry Leonard, please come back to me I promise you I will never hurt you again if you just give me one more chance, Please come home I need you.

It was now nearly 23.00 and Leonard wasn't back, she was now very worried, eyes puffy from crying. Penny got dressed and picked up her keys but forgetting her phone, she was going to go out and look for him she hoped he was ok it wasn't like Leonard to have his phone off maybe he was just walking the streets and forgot about the time. She head down the stairs, just outside the apartment block, she bumps into him.

"Tom, what are you doing here, I told you to leave me alone, I am not interested", walking away.

He put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Penny, I am sorry for coming on strong can we talk please" he notice she had been crying so pulled her into a hug, penny knew she should resist but a hug was what she needed right now.

"Do you want to talk about"?

She just shook her head crying into his shoulder.

"Let's go somewhere where we can talk". Tom said.

After about 5mins she got herself together and pulled away.

"Ok you got 10 minute's, we can talk on the stairs", said penny.

"I am sorry for coming on to you I thought you like me because you were flirting back I can give you everything you need, you don't have to live like this"

"I like the way I live & my life. Thank you very much".

"Penny you deserve better I am rich and I could change your life for ever, I really like you. Penny, come with me, you wouldn't regret it". Penny thought, I like rich, well I always said I will marry for love or money.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Leonard woke up the next day with a slight headache and wondering where he was, it took a couples of seconds for the events of last night to re-register in his head and the sadness he felt came rushing back. He looked around the room and saw the bathroom and headed for it to relieve himself and wash his face, after finishing he went to the mini fridge to get a bottle of water which he drank in one go realizing how dehydrated he was. Leonard didn't feel hungry but knew he need to eat but right now food was the last thing on his mind, Leonard thoughts went back to penny and how she had hurt him again, why do I let her keep doing this to me, why am I so weak when It comes to her, Leonard was beginning to get angry with himself, Not anymore, I am done with this, this is not the life I want to live, I need to move on because my heart can't take it anymore. I love her so much, he broke down sobbing uncontrollable.

Leonard got out of the shower and got dressed, he was still undecided on what to do, he also needed coffee and he really needed to think, he checked out of the motel and went to the café across the street, as he drank his coffee, he thought of the happy times he had with penny. Going to the movies or just staying home watching her chick flicks, weekends away. He smiled to himself at these thoughts.

Leonard couldn't leave things as they were, he had to speak to Penny and find out what was going on before he made his decision, he owed her that at least. Leonard finished his coffee and decided to walk home so he could think some more he thought the worst of his confrontation with Penny.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for all the reviews. I love hearing your views on where you think this story is going. :)**

Leonard had been thinking all night and now on his way home he decided to stop at the local park to clear his head.

If Penny was seeing this guy then it over between them, he thought sadly.

Why did she have lunch with him?, and how long has this been going on?, he felt like an idiot for letting her use him, nothing made sense to him right now he felt so confused, he was also scared of the consequence of her actions.

Leonard walks up the stair as he reaches the 4th floor, he comprehend going over to 4B but decided against it. He will see her later. Leonard enters his & Sheldon's apartment.

"Where have you been Leonard" asked Sheldon from his spot.

"Out and about"

"You didn't sleep in your room last night, did you and Penny finally sorted out your differences"

"No we didn't said Leonard bitterly".

"So where did you stay last night"?

"Look Sheldon, I don't want to talk about it, please drop it".

"But…"

"No buts, just leave it, I am going to my room and wish not to be disturbed". He walks towards the hall & stops.

"Sheldon, I am sorry I just need to be alone right now".

"Just fix whatever is bothering you, don't want you moping around the apartment like a lost puppy" said Sheldon.

Leonard just shakes his head, walking to his bedroom.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Leonard woke up to Sheldon banging on his door.

"Leonard"

"Leonard"

"Leonard"

"What do you want Sheldon"?

"You've been asleep all afternoon, it time for you to go and pick up our dinner", said Sheldon.

"Can't Howard go and pick it up"?

"No, he always get my order wrong, he is worse than you".

"Go away Sheldon"

"I am not leaving until you get up".

Leonard knew he wouldn't leave until he did, he sighted "ok I I'll be out in a sec",

Leonard looked at the time, he had been asleep for almost 4 hours, he checked his phone, no messages, not even from penny. No surprise there he thought.

He got dressed and walked into the living room to see the gang there except penny.

"Hello Leonard". Said Amy.

"Hello", he replied back and nodded to the rest.

"We are really sorry for not telling you about Penny, we did inform her if she didn't stop we were going to tell you. She assured us she had stopped and we didn't want to cause any problems for you guys". Said Bernadette.

"Yeah Leonard, we are truly sorry, how can we make it up to you". Howard added.

"It's ok I don't blame you guys, Penny deceived us all", a sad expression on his face he walks toward the door, "I go and pick up the takeout".

The gang are in 4A eating, penny still not showed up and Bernadette was getting worried, so was Amy.

"Leonard, have you heard or seen penny today"? Asked Bernadette

"Why" said Leonard, she has not tried to contact me. So no". Using his fork to play with his food.

"It's just that we were supposed to meet for brunch and she never showed up and she is not answering her phone or texts, we kind of worried about her".

"Maybe she is with her new guy, Leonard spat out. She didn't turn up for our lunch date the other day, made some excuse that she forgot, even though I now know she met him for lunch instead". Leonard said angrily.

"She did what..." said Amy

"Yes that's right, met him for lunch".

"Penny is not with him & she will never do that to you" Bernadette implied.

"Really, then where is she"?

"I don't know, looking down at her hands, maybe she asleep and doesn't want to be disturbed".

"We already tried knocking for like 10 minutes and no reply" said Raj.

"That was over an hour ago, we should try again" Howard interjected,

"And if she doesn't answer?" Raj looking at Howard as he spoke.

"We go in with her spare keys", Sheldon said looking at Leonard.

"Do what you want guys I don't care anymore, just leave me out of it". Leonard took his food to the kitchen & dumps the contents into the bin.

The gang decided to try again to see if Penny was home with Leonard opting to go to bed as he had a headache.

"Knock, knock, knock penny"

"Knock, knock, knock penny"

"Knock, knock, knock penny"

There was no answer.

"Sheldon, just use the spare key you've already tried like 9 times & it's giving me a headache just like Leonard" Howard said.

"But she might be in the bath or can't hear us because..."

"Just use the keys" Amy & Bernie said in unison

Sheldon took out penny's keys and unlock her door, they entered a very dark apartment all the curtains were drawn not much light. Amy turned the light on, there was no sign of penny in the living room just a bunch of magazines on the coffee table, a few unfolded clothes scattered around the couch & floor, some empty glasses on the island table from the previous night.

Amy & Bernie wandered to penny room to see if she was there. Bernie knocked softly on her bedroom door.

"Penny are you there". She knocked again, no answer. They opened her bedroom door and went in. It was empty and her bed looked like it hasn't been slept on, Bernadette checked the bathroom which was empty too. They both looked at each other

"Where could she be" a worried Amy asked"?

I" don't know", Bernadette answer sadly, "she's not in there" as they joined the other three in Penny's living room.

They all stood around in silence wondering what to do, no one wanting to say anything or what they were thinking. Raj broke the silence.

"Do you guys think Leonard might be right"?. They are looked at Raj stunned, by his remark.

"Right about what"? Asked a confused Sheldon

"You know, ran off with her fancy man, no one seen her since last night". Raj added.

"You know we're all thinking that right" chipped in Howard.

"Penny wouldn't do that, not to Leonard. Would she"? Bernadette wondered looking worried.

"Agreed it's not Penny's character to go off with someone and not tell us".

They all looked at Sheldon. "Ok ... Maybe 4 years ago". All nodded to his last statement.

"Should we try & ring her" asked Howard

"I'll try", Bernadette took out her phone to dial penny's number. "It's ringing".

They all turn around to hear where the ringing was coming from.

Howard moved a cushion from the far end of the couch and said. "Look it's penny's phone".

"Penny never goes anywhere without her phone" said Sheldon

"You are right" Amy agreed.

"I am always right, you are my girlfriend and you should know that".

"Ok fine Sheldon", rolling her eyes, she turned to the others and said, "should we be worried" holding up penny's phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tom, what are you doing here, I told you to leave me alone, I am not interested. Trying to walk away.

He put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Penny, I am sorry for coming on strong can we talk, please". He notice she had been crying so pulled her into a hug, penny knew she should resist but right now a hug was what she needed right now.

"Do you want to talk about"?

She just shook her head crying into his shoulder.

"Let's go somewhere where we can talk". Said Tom

After about 5mins she got herself together and pulled away.

"Ok you got 10 minute's, we can talk on the stairs", said penny.

"I am sorry for coming on to you I thought you like me because you were flirting back I can give you everything you need, you don't have to live like this"

"I like the way i live & my life. Thank you very much".

"Penny you deserve better I am rich and I could change your life for ever, I really like you. Penny, come with me, you wouldn't regret it". Penny thought, I like rich, well I always said I will marry for love or money. But Leonard is the love of my life so love wins.

"I am sorry for leading you on, it was wrong of me, I just thought it was a bit of fun and I didn't mean for it to go any further, now my boyfriend hates me and knows I have been flirting with you, I need to find him he is missing, and I love him with all my heart", trying to stop the tears that that were threatening to flow.

Tom could see he was getting nowhere with Penny and she seem to really love this man "Ok I better be going, disappointed and dejected, he looked at Penny and said, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me, he walks towards the exit of the apartment block. Good bye penny.

'Tom". He turns to look at penny. "Yes"

"There wasn't ever an audition for me, was there"?

No Penny, I am sorry" he said sadly and exits the block.

"I thought so. Jerk".


	5. Chapter 5

It's has been 3 days since penny's disappearance, the gang are in 4A eating and talking about Leonard and Penny. Leonard was out somewhere.

"I think Leonard might be right about penny running off with this guy."

"Rajesh... Why would you say that, she said she loved Leonard remember." Amy said.

"She also said she stopped texting the guy but she didn't so one can conclude that penny is confused about what she wants." Sheldon added.

"Poor Leonard he will be heartbroken if it's true." Amy replied.

"What should we do?" Bernadette sighted, looking at the others.

"I don't think there is anything we can do apart from waiting for her to get in touch, it obvious she doesn't want to be found." Sheldon spoke for the group.

"But she wouldn't just abandon her apartment and all her stuff and friends to be with this guy?"

"Amy he is rich, he probably promised her the world and you know how naive penny can be sometimes," said Howard.

"We need to slowly come to terms with the fact that penny has realised her future is not with Leonard and has opt to run instead of facing the consequences of her actions."

"How could you say that Sheldon, it's all speculations until we have conclusive proof."

"Amy, Sheldon has a point,, right, now we need to be there for Leonard, he needs us to help him come terms with what is happening and support him in any way we can, he need us more than he knows." all nodded in agreement to Howard's statement.

Leonard walks into 4A, he greets the gang, "hi guys" forcing a false smile.

"Hello Leonard". They all said. He goes to the fridge to get a drink, everyone's been worried about him recently he has not been himself lately, not eating very much, preferring his own company and not wanting to talk about penny, everytime she was brought up he just walks away or goes out. They all sat there in silence until Bernadette spoke.

"So Leonard, have you heard from penny?" They all look at Bernadette as if to say. What the hell...

"What...", looking around, we can't avoid it forever."

"It's ok. No I haven't and I don't think I will, so I guess you guys haven't either".

"No," they all said.

Amy stood up and walked over to Leonard who was leaning on the island table sipping his water, "We are all here for you Leonard, if you need anything or to talk."

"Thanks guys, Leonard said sadly, but i think I need to get away for a while."

"You can't leave, what about your responsibilities and obligations to me," said Sheldon.

"I am going away for a while and that's it,"

"But..."

"Sheldon... leave it, Amy giving him the look."

"Where would you go?" asked Raj

"I don't know all I know is I need to get away, I have taken sabbatical and leaving in the morning."

"Leonard you don't have to do this." Bernadette got up to join Amy in the kitchen area with Leonard.

"I do Bernadette, or I am just going to go insane, please guys I need to do this, if you are my friends, you will understand and let me go without questions."

"Ok Leonard, just keep in touch so we know you are ok."

"I will Amy."

"But who's going to take me to work and the comic book store or..."

"Sheldon, this is not about you so leave it, I will take on Leonard duties."

"It not fair," Sheldon gets up and storms to his room.

The next day Howard drove Leonard to the airport to catch his flight to New York. After wishing him a safe flight, he promised to keep in touch and boarded, he thought he will visit his family for a few weeks and maybe just travel around the east coast as well.

Leonard thought how foolish to think someone like penny could fall for him, all this time she had been using him until the right guy came along. He knew her dream was to become a famous actress, buy a mansion and marry a tall muscular guy, he realise now, that dream never changed, why didn't he see it coming, because I am an idiot and was blind by love, she never really loved me she was just waiting for something better to come along, he was her plan B, backup plan. Now I know why all our friends didn't take our relationship seriously and kept mocking it. I was just blind to it all. She was right, my infatuation was the only thing that kept the relationship going. She never loved me, she just couldn't tell the difference between loving a friend in a platonic way and being in love so I guess that's what she meant about if she got married, it will either be for money or love. She choose money.

Penny never came back to her apartment and the gang realised that penny didn't want to be found and that was confirmed when Penny's father and brother turned up to take away all her stuff, They wanted to talk to Leonard but Sheldon told them that he left for New York. Wyatt then broke the news to Sheldon that Penny wasn't coming back and to let Leonard know she will always love him. Wyatt gave him a letter from Penny which Sheldon accepted on Leonard behalf promising to pass it on to Leonard when he returns. Wyatt also told Sheldon he had no idea where she was. She called him a few days ago asking him to get her stuff and put them in storage, that's all they knew.

**3 Months Later**

"Sheldon did you order dinner." Amy asked.

"Howard & Bernadette are picking it up for us, Howard just text me."

"Isn't Rajesh coming?"

"No apparently he has other plans, wouldn't go into details."

"Thanks for letting me sleep in Leonard room last night Sheldon."

"It was late and I didn't want you driving at that time of the night."

"Sheldon, it had just gone past 9."

"You are my girlfriend and wouldn't forgive myself if anything happens to you."

"That's so sweet."

"I can't have you and Leonard out of my life and you are welcome."

The door opens.

"Leonard you are back!" Amy said excitedly

"Hello Leonard." looking up from his spot

"Hello Sheldon, Amy." Leonard greeted them.

"You promised to call but you never did, you said 1 month but it's been 3 months, this is a breach of the roommate agreement and..."

"Sorry Sheldon."

"Leonard. we were all really worried about you,"

"Sorry Amy, I just didn't want to be reminded of my life back here I was in a very bad place but I'm slowly recovering,"

"You heard about penny then?"

"Yes Amy, my mother told me, looking at Sheldon with scarsam in his voice. Thanks Sheldon."

"No need to thank me Leonard, as you ignored us and no contact details and not picking your emails or phone, your mother was our only option of finding out if you were alright".

"Welcome home Leonard. Sheldon turns to Amy and said, "You don't have to take me to the comic book store tomorrow."

"Oh you are not going then," inquired Amy.

"Yes. Leonard will be taking me."

Amy just rolls her eyes while Leonard mumbles something about, why did I come back as he heads to his room with his suitcase.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N. Penny will be missing for a few chapters, so bear with me. I don't even know where she is myself. Lol. It will all make sense in later chapters. Feel free to guess tho. Sorry about the late update.**

**I own nothing.**

Leonard sat on his bed looking at the envelope on his nightstand, too scare to open it. Sheldon had given it to him 2 days ago, he somehow knew it wasn't going to be good news, Leonard thought that going away would help him get over penny but he was wrong, as soon he got back, the memories came flooding back, while away he thought he could focus his mind on other things which was a good distraction, travelling and seeing his family, but now he was back everything reminded him of Penny. He couldn't help but think, where was she? Is she happy?, Did she really want to be with this guy? Leonard decided to open it. Ripping the envelope open and unfolding the letter the first thing he noticed was the date, it was writing. 2 weeks after she left.

Dear Leonard,

I am really sorry for all the pain I have caused you, you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life and all I keep doing is hurting you.

I am sorry I don't show my love for you in the way you want to be loved or deserved to be love.

Leonard, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and you are a wonderful person who deserves unconditional love. I don't want you to think I am rejecting you, I know it feels like I am, but something happened that has changed my life, I want you to know that I never cheated on you with that guy, I know it was wrong to flirt with him, I stopped as soon as I found out what his intentions were. I know it not an excuse but it felt good just like you did when Alex came onto you, just like nothing happened with Alex, nothing happened with him, I promise you. I also want you to know there is no one else is involved in my decision to leave or cutting contact with you, I can't tell you why I left, it just too hard and emotionally painful. It hurts like hell writing this letter and hurting you again, but I feel it's for the best and hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me someday. I hope you find someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved and cherish you, because, you are special.

love

Penny

P.S. I will never forget you.

Leonard finished reading the letter and could not help the tears flowing, he wondered what happened to Penny, for her to run away and not confined in him or ask for his help, is she in trouble he wondered, at least now he knows she didn't run off with that guy. Where was she, he needed to find her but didn't know where to start, maybe Wyatt could help he thought.

蜉

"So Leonard how was your trip?" asked Howard,

"It was fine, spend a couples of days with my mother and also went to see my brother & sister which was fun, compared to the stay with my mother."

"I am glad you are feeling much better Leonard, did going away helped you come to terms with Penny leaving", asked Amy.

Leonard thought about it. "Yeah, I guess it did, it was fun I took a road trip all over the east coast It helped a lot to cleared my mind".

"So what did the letter from penny say," asked Sheldon.

Leonard looked around nervously.

"You received a letter from penny?" What did it say, is she coming back?

"No Bernadette, she isn't," taking the letter out of his pocket giving it to her to read. They all gathered around to read it.

"Leonard I'm so sorry" wiping her eyes, handing it back to Leonard

"We are all here for you, I just hope where ever she is, she okay and not dealing with this alone." Amy said..

"Looks like she is not planning on coming back"

"Yeah Raj, we didn't get that from the letter, Howard smirked.

"On another note looking at Leonard." There a new girl that moved into 4B, she is kinda hot, I mean nice." Howard dare not look at Bernadette as he could feel her eyes burning into him. She's a bit younger than penny and is a brunette you'd like her".

"Not interested Howard, my work is my life now"

"Well she is not as friendly as penny, we invited her to dinner a couples of times on Amy's request, but she declined every time, she moved in a month ago and we have only seen her a few times.

"She probably just shy or nutjob over there pointing at Sheldon scared the crap out of her"

They all looked at Howard and laughed at his comment, except Amy and Sheldon as he began explaining why he isn't crazy, he continued, well I did try to get her to sign a neighbour agreement and she slammed the door in my face, how rude"

"I like her already" said Leonard, grinning. "What's her name?"

"Amber" said Howard & Raj at the same time.

Leonard enters the apartment block and was shocked for a moment standing in front of the mailbox was a brunette, she had short brown hair and a perfect body from behind, he admired her then shook those thoughts away as he walked towards her and put his key in to retrieve his mail.

"Hi you're... the new girl that moved into 4B right?" Leonard asked shyly.

"Hey, yeah, you live in 4A too" noticing he inserted his into 4A mailbox.

"Yeah, it's a two bedroom room apartment, I am Leonard."

"Nice to meet you, I am Amber," smiling at him.

Howard was right, she was pretty, no gorgeous, it brought back memories of the first day he met penny.

They walk up the stairs in silence, avoiding eye contact. "So you live with the crazy guy in 4A"

"Yeah, don't even asked me how that happened," she giggles at this.

"I haven't seen you around before, did you just move in Leonard"

"Oh no, I had to go away for a while and only returned a week ago."

"Ok, that's probably why I haven't seen you."

"Yeah I was in a really bad place so I needed to get away for a while"

I" am sorry, I hope everything is better now."

"I am getting there. Thank you." They reached the 4th floor.

"Amber, it's really nice to meet you, if there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to knock on our door."

"Thank you Leonard, it was really nice to me you too, you are so different from your roommate and nicer, you know your roommate tried to make me sign some ridiculous neighbour agreement thing."

"Yeah he is crazy like that, but he is harmless." Beaming with joy at her comment how nice he was.

"I bear that in mind next time I bump into him and thank for the offer. I see you around Leonard."

"Yeah see you Amber," he watches her as she unlocks her door , she turns around smiles at him and enters her apartment.

Leonard enter 4A. Sheldon looks up from his spot.

."Hi"

"Hey Leonard."

"Just met the new girl from next door, she seem really nice."

Sheldon pauses the show he was watching.

"Leonard I hope you're not going to start a on/off relationship with her like you did with Penny."

"I am not interested in her like that, I just said she is nice."

"Exactly what you said about penny before you became infatuated with her."

Leonard rolled his eyes and shakes his head.

"Sheldon go annoy Amy, I am not in the mood to listen to you right now."

蜉

Leonard spend most of his time on his work and less time with the gang, it just reminded him of the missing link in his life when he was around them. It made him think of Penny which he didn't want to, he still missed her and loved her, but putting all his energy into his work made him forget about the hole in his heart.

The gang had been very supportive not bringing up penny in front of him but sometimes it couldn't be helped as the conversation was of things they all had done together with penny.

It really helped a lot that he wasn't the only one hurting. Penny betrayed them too by just leaving without a thought of how it will affect them, not just him. The girls missed penny the most, the street smarts she brought to the group, girls night and just hanging out as friends. Sheldon also missed her, but wouldn't admit it but Leonard could tell as sometimes when they were stuck on what to do, he would say, if Penny was here she know what to do. It just wasn't the same without penny. Howard and Raj missed her too, she was their friend and they missed crashing girl's night and sometimes her getting them out of trouble.

But life goes on and things are going to get easier as time goes by. But there was this need in him to try and find her, if just for closure.

Sheldon and Leonard were sitting in their workstation typing away when there was a knock on the door. Leonard got up to answer the door.

"Oh hi Amber" said Leonard

"Hey Leonard, hi Sheldon" looking over Leonard shoulder, he looks up and nods and carried on with what he was doing.

"Leonard, I was wondering if you could take a look at my laptop, giving him her best smile.

"Sure, what's wrong with it, not knowing where to look as Amber had on a tight V-neck jersey top and a tight wrap skirt which showed off her curved figure?

"Not sure, when I browse I get lots of popups and it freezes and I have to reboot."

"Looks like you have a virus, I mean not you but the laptop, or a malware, do you want me to come over and take a look."

"If you don't mind please." Pouting her lips.

Leonard thought that so reminded him of penny. "OK lead the way as he followed her to 4B, he froze when he got to her door. Amber turned round and saw the fear in his eyes.

"Leonard what's wrong?" said amber looking concerned.

"Ummm nothing just being, you know what, it's nothing". Leonard you can do this, it not Penny's apartment anymore.

"Ok" said Amber.

Leonard enters the apartment and did not recognize it, very different and tidy. There was a leather sofa and a sofa chair, it hadn't changed that much there was no pictures on the fridge, the walls have been repainted.

"I like what you done to the apartment, it looks homely," a nervous Leonard said.

"Thank you, so yeah this is my home"

"Is that the annoying laptop?"

"Yeah, I really appreciate this."

"No worries", as Leonard started to work on the laptop.

Amber sat on the couch looking at Leonard and thought how cute he was, she decided she wanted to get to know him better.

"Would you like a drink Leonard?"

"A bottle of water would be nice, lf you have any please."

"I do, I'll get you one," she walks over to fridge

Leonard and Amber got on really well, they talked about their life experiences and what they enjoyed doing, Leonard opened up on how he got his heart broken and she opened up how she was hurting from a breakup too, they just clicked like old friends.

"I have cleaned your laptop and got rid of the virus."

"Wait a minute, how did I pick up a virus."

"Well, there are a lot of ways you could have picked it up. Opening Spam emails or browsing suspicious sites and your anti-virus is out of date, that's probably why it got infected."

"Oh, couldn't afford to renew it."

"Well you don't have to worry any more I have installed a free anti-virus which is very good and updates regularly, I also installed a malware software which gives you double protection."

"Err thanks, it's all really confusing for me but I trust you, thank you so much."

"You are welcome, I better be going, you know work tomorrow smiling at her."

"Thank again, I owe you one. "Hey maybe we can go for coffee sometime."

"You don't have too, just helping out a neighbour"

"I insist." Leonard thought for a second, then smiled at her.

"Sheldon told me they invited you to have dinner and you declined, you can make it up to me by coming over tomorrow night and meet my friends, promise they wouldn't bite, chuckling."

"I don't know, they are a bit wired."

"Hey… Those are my friends", trust me when you get to know them. They are not that bad."

"Sorry, ok Leonard, touching his shoulder, I see you tomorrow."

She walks him to the door. "Bye Leonard kissing him on the cheek and thank you for fixing my laptop."

"Bye Amber, see you tomorrow." Blushing as he heads toward 4A.


	7. Chapter 7

The next evening, the gang gathered at 4A, Leonard was handing them their food.

"Why is there an extra container?" Asked Sheldon.

"Oh Amber is joining us for dinner."

Oooh... Amy and Bernadette squealed at the same time.

"It not like that I helped fix her laptop and invited her to have dinner with us."

"And she said yes" Howard inquired.

Leonard looks at Howard, "why wouldn't she say yes, it was either this or go out for coffee"

"And instead you choose to invite her over to dinner with us, what has Penny done to you." Raj finished.

Just then there was a knock on the door, Leonard stood up to answered it.

"Hello Amber"

"Hello Leonard"

"Come in and meet the rest of the gang, Raj, get up. He was sitting on the chair next to Leonard chair.

"Hey…", Getting up and sitting on the floor.

"You know Sheldon, Amy", she nods

"They invited me around a couple of times"

"You declined our invitation" Sheldon interjected.

"Anyway this Raj, Howard and his wife Bernadette."

"Nice to meet you all, sitting next to Leonard who passes her food.

There was an awkward silence as they all ate until it was broken by Howard.

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I work as a Library Assistant."

"So I am guessing you all are like geniuses"

"Well we all have Phds except for Howard, he a mere engineer," said Sheldon.

Howard shot daggers at Sheldon. "Hey I went to MIT,"

looking at Howard, "I rest my case." he turns to Amber.

"So do you like comic books and how many superheroes costume do you own,"

Leonard put his hands on his forehead mumbling, "shut up Sheldon."

"I was just ask..."

"I am not really into comic books, I have read a few but not really a big fan, and no I do not own any superhero's costumes."

"Good, do you like wine and girl's gossips asked Amy.

'I do love wine and a good gossip, smiling at Amy.

"I could see you becoming my new bestie."

Amber just looked at her blinking, Bernadette rolled her eyes as the guys just looked at each other chuckling, and Sheldon stared at Amy shaking his head.

As the weeks and months went by, Leonard & Amber saw a lot of one another, bumping into each other on the stairway, popping over to hang out with Leonard, and invited to eat dinner with the group and a few times the girls went over to Amber's for some girl gossip.

Leonard walked into the laundry room to find Amber there folding her clothes.

"Hi Amber, haven't seen you in a few day, how you been."

"Hey Leonard, smiling at seeing him, just been really busy with work and hanging out with friends, why did you miss me". Putting her hand on her hip.

Leonard smiled, thinking how sometimes she reminded him of penny with some of her actions.

"Maybe, well a little bit, blushing and looking at his feet

"So how have you been, turning to continue what she was doing?," blushing too.

"Same as you working a lot and just trying to get on with my life."

"Leonard, I know it's none of my business but according to the girls, you took your breakup with your ex very badly I don't know all the details, but don't you think it's time to move on like she has." concern for him evident on her face.

"It not that easy, filling the machine with his clothes, I feel like she will come back to me someday and I still love her."

"I had a bad breakup too, I still love him but I had to move on which I am finding hard to deal with. I know it not easy." she said sadly.

"I am sorry to heard that, I didn't know Amber, If you ever want to talk, I am here for you."

"Likewise and thank you for being my friend."

"Amber, I am glad to be and we can both be there for each other when we are feeling down." They continued with their tasks while chit chatting about nothing, stealing stares when they thought the other wasn't looking.

"So Leonard the other day at work, i asked one of the guys to change the battery of the clock on the wall, when I came back I realized he changed the battery not the time. Probably should have also asked to him to set the time as well. They both laughed out loud."

"You think that's bad, I had this grad student once who always took an hour lunch break, one day I told him not to take an hour as I needed him back for a project. So he took 50 minutes. Guess it was my fault, I should have specified half and hour."

She laughs at this, lightly slapping him on the shoulder. "That was funny, you deserve that one, some people are so stupid." Smiling at him.

"And you didn't, some people just do not have any common sense, chuckling."

"I guess you are right Leonard, we both deserved it" They both stared, she then pulls him into a hug and kisses him on the cheek, picks up her basket.

"I see you soon ok."

"Yeah see you soon, bye Amber."

Leonard found it comforting talking to Amber, he had only known her for a few months but it felt like longer, there was something about her that was so familiar but he just couldn't put his finger on it. She made him laugh and was kind and always willing to listen, he thought she looked so adorable when she laughs.

His thoughts went back to Penny, Leonard really missed her, he was not doing a good job of convincing everyone he was over Penny, it was so obvious to his friend. He still could not understand how penny could leave without a word to him or their friends. Where is she he thought?

"Hey Leonard"

"Hi Mr Jones"

"Have you come to fix the dryer, it been broken for a couple of days now."

"Yeah, Sorry about that, the caretaker said, had to wait for a part, he put his tool box down and began to work on the dryer.

"I am sorry about you and Penny the caretaker said.

"Yeah me too."

"Leonard, can I asked you a question?"

"Yeah sure, what's up'

"I know it none of my business but was Penny cheating on you."

"It okay, no I don't think so, why?"

Sorry I saw her with this guy before she moved out I saw them hugging while I was on my way out.

"Do you remember when?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah it was the 31 of March, I remember because it was payday," he laughs.

Leonard thought, that's the day she disappeared.

"What time was this?"

"It about midnight but could be before not sure, but it was late."

"Did they say anything to each other?"

"As I walk out I thought I could heard penny crying and he said something about coming with him and he look after her or better life. That all I heard I am afraid, he looked at Leonard and saw the distress in his face. Are you all right"

"Yeah, I be right back I just remembered I forgot my sheets," he left the laundry room. So she did leave with him.

A few days had passed after the conversation with the caretaker. Leonard was on his way to pick up Sheldon from the comic book store as he reaches the ground floor lobby, He couldn't understand why penny would invite him to her apartment and why were they hugging?, why was she crying?, all this didn't make sense, how could she decided that evening she wants to be with him, why did she leave all her stuff?, I need to speak to Wyatt, maybe he can help answer some of this questions. Or knows where she is, Leonard was brought out of his thoughts by the caretaker who was coming up from the basement.

"Hey Leonard,"

"Oh hi Mr Jones"

"can I talk to you for a minute."

"Sure"

"After you left in a hurry, I remembered something else but you didn't come back."

Leonard raised a brow, "Sorry about that."

"For what it's worth the caretaker continued, you should know, after I left the apartment block that night, I was sitting in my car talking to my wife on the phone, when the guy came out by himself he got in his car and drove off. A few minutes later penny came out too, this time I could tell she was crying and looked distressed, she got in her car and drove in the opposite direction, I thought that was weird."

"Thank you for telling me, I just don't know what to think, but it kind of make sense now, bye Mr Jones" as leonard exits the block.

Leonard thought, this confirms what Penny said in her letter that she didn't leave with him, he was still confused about what happened that night and where was she driving to?. Why was she distressed?.

Leonard called Wyatt but couldn't get anything out of him, he had not seen penny in a while and the last time he spoke to her was when she asked him to put her stuff in storage. Leonard had this feeling that Wyatt knew more than he was willing to admit.


	8. Chapter 8

Amber, Amy and Bernadette were in Amber's apartment drinking wine and enjoying girl's night.

"So Amber what your favourite part of your body? Is it your boobs like Bernadette?"

Amber looks at Amy disgusted. "What..."

"AMY… you can't asked her questions like that and for your information it is not" Looking embarrassed.

"So which part is it then," Amy staring at Bernadette.

"Ok, it's my boobs. They all laughed, Bernadette turned to Amber,

"So what's going on with you and Leonard?"

"What do you mean, umm nothing we are just friends," looking away.

"Really, I've seen the way you guys look at each other when you think the other is not looking"

"Yeah" interjected Amy.

"Listen nothing is going on, I'd admit I do like him, but you know he is still hung up on his ex, so yeah nothing is going to happen.

"I guess he is. I really thought he will be over Penny by now, but he just seem to not want to give up on her" Bernadette added.

"This Penny must be something special, I guess you guys miss her too."

"We do, she was my bestie and penny just leaving without a word really hurt", said Amy. Bernadette nodded in agreement.

Just then Amber's phone rang, she picked it up and headed to the bedroom. "I need to take this call, I'll be right back".

Amy and Bernadette looked at her leaving, "I wonder why she took the call in the bedroom?" looking at Amy.

"Maybe it's her boyfriend" as Bernadette filled up their glasses.

Five minutes later, they heard Amber coming out of the bedroom. "Ok I be careful and thanks for letting me know sure it's nothing to be worried about, bye."

She sat back down on the couch and just muttered. "Work". They sat there in silence sipping their wine.

"So did you guys try and find her". Amber asked.

"Well, from the beginning we figure she didn't want to be found and none of her other friends knew her whereabouts, we also went to all the places we knew she hangs out but nothing, said Bernadette."

"Did you guys go to the police?"

"No, we knew she was safe, we read the letter she send Leonard and her father was the one who cleared her apartment," said Amy.

"We also did a bad thing recently which confirmed she doesn't want to be found. "AMY, don't go there"

"What did you guys do" looking at both girls." Eager to find out.

"We can't tell you, Amy was just joking"

"Oh come on, I thought you said what happens at girls night stays at girls night, so spill"

"True but you promise not to tell anyone, not even Leonard."

"I promise."

"Bernadette continued, well a couple of days ago, we phoned Penny father pretending to be penny, he felt for it until Amy got all too into it and apologise for not talking to him for a while.

"Hey I got into character" she defended.

"What did her father say?"

She looked down at her shoes, "he said, What do you mean… we spoke last week, so I panicked and hung up, but he did say, How was it going with her brother who was with her for the weekend."

"So why don't you want Leonard to know this"

Because he is depressed enough and don't want to add to his anxiety, we had to talk him out of going to look for her by offering to go to Nebraska and speak to her father.

"So when are you leaving"

"This weekend, he thinks the plane tickets are booked, but we are going to a conference in San Diego instead, he doesn't know, so don't tell him or Sheldon."

"What about if he finds out and what will you tell him when you get back?"

"We just going to come back and tell him what he already knows, so no harm done, we want him to move on and be happy again, we feel that you are the right girl for him. Said Bernadette grinning.

Amber blushed and smiled, "Might help him move on."

* * *

><p>"So Amber, how was your weekend, haven't seen you since Friday?" As they walked up the stairs together.<p>

"Went away, got back a couple of hours ago."

"How was yours Leonard?" She quickly said.

"It was great Amber, smiling to himself, we had a weekend marathon of playing games it was awesome."

"You spend the weekend in your apartment playing games, shaking her head."

"Yeah, we didn't need to go out we had all we needed"

"I bet the girls weren't happy about that."

"Bernadette and Amy went to see a friend for the weekend." He didn't want to tell her where they really went. Nothing he didn't already know came out of it anyway.

They got to the 4th floor and parted ways.

"Leonard", he turned to look at Amber " l got a new printer and was wondering if you could set it up for me when you're not busy looking at him shyly."

"Sure just got some stuff to do and I'll be over in an hour, is that okay?"

Smiling at him, "sure l understand you got to do your nerdy things grinning at him. You nerd."

Hey I am not just a nerd I am the king of nerds

Laughing at this. "Sorry I take it back King Nerd. Winking at him.

"Good, I see you in an hour," opening the door to 4A quickly to avoid Amber seeing him blush.

"Oh it's a wireless printer how do you want it setup, via USB, Wireless or both?"

"Umm I don't know, I guess wireless."

"I think I set both up at least if the wireless fails, you could always print using the usb cable."

"Cool said Amber, would you like something to drink?" Walking to the kitchen.

"You got any coffee? As he began installing the printer drivers."

"Yeah but I haven't got any soy milk, you know as you are lactose intolerant"

Leonard thought, how she know that I don't remember telling her that.

"Amber how do you know I am lactose intolerance?" Puzzled look on his face."

Amber squirmed a bit

"Err… Sheldon told me not looking at him."

That make sense, any excuse to put me down he thought. "Oh okay, I I'll just have water."

"It's all setup, I have just send a test print...

"Yay it working" she rushes over to retrieve the print. "Thank you Leonard," putting her hand on his shoulder

"It was my pleasure, I like helping you." as a shiver went through his body.

"That's so sweet I am glad I met you Leonard."

"Me too," they both look into each other eyes either not wanting to look away.

The moment was interrupted by the 3 familiar knocks on the door.

"Sorry I better get that, it's your crazy roommate."

"So what did he want," Leonard asked coming out of Amber bedroom a bit shaky.

She rolled her eyes, "what do you think, he wanted you to take him to the comic book store, told him you weren't here, he then asked me to take him but I told him to take a hike." Grinning.

"Good on you and thanks for hiding me." Leonard murmured.

Amber sensed something wasn't right. "Leonard, what's wrong?" concerned.

"It nothing," sitting on the couch and wiping a tear.

Leonard, I can see there is, you were fine a minute ago and now you came out of my bedroom looking like you've seen a ghost.

"It's… it's nothing just me being silly."

"Is this about penny? Amber said softly

He nodded his head,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No I I'll be fine just need a moment to compose myself." Looking away from her.

"You know it better sometimes to talk than to keep it all in side."

He looks at her, "it's just going into her, I mean your bedroom brought back some memories that were good and bad."

"You really loved her didn't you?" He looks at her and nods, then rambled without thinking.

"She was the love of my life and my best friend, he said softly she was kind, sincere, loving never judged me or my friends, did I mention beautiful, she was so street smart sometimes it was amazing how we spend hours trying to figure out a simple problem and within a minute of explaining it to her, without thinking she just came out with a solution. It was amazing how she did that. Laughing, did I mention how beautiful she was."

"Yes a few times she smirked. "Look getting serious, Leonard sometimes things happens for a reason, obviously going into my bedroom brought out some deep emotions, but you need to let go and live your life just like she is doing and time is a great healer. l am here for you Leonard my door is always open to you, she sat next to him and pulled him into a hug, he resting his head on her shoulder.

"'Thank you Amber I really need to hear that and the hug was a bonus." Chuckling.

"Anytime Leonard, anytime." she wiped a tear that was threatening to fall.

* * *

><p>"I see you and Amber are becoming good friends, are you going to ask her out?" Howard asked as they were having lunch at the cafeteria.<p>

"What..." Dismissing It. But before he could answer.

"You seem to spend a lot of time together ignoring your duties to me." Leonard rolled his eyes ignoring Sheldon.

"We just get on and we like spending time together, she funny, smart, kind and likes me, he smirked.

Raj looked at Leonard, "You are ignoring the question, so are you going to ask her out?"

"No… I'm not"

"Still hoping Penny will come back, you know that ship has sailed you need to move on."

"Raj is right Leonard, Howard continued its being like 8 months now, and she not coming back, you need to get back to dating and snap out of this depression

"Just haven't found anyone I want to date yet, and I'm not depressed he lied. Playing with his food.

"Leonard I have seen the way she looks at you when she is over for dinner even Bernadette has noticed it too" said Howard.

Raj interjected, "Yeah, and you always get her to sit next to you."

"That just to keep you pervs away from her."

"I am not a perv," said Sheldon.

"Not talking about you it those two." Pointing at Howard & Raj.

"Hey" said Raj.

Howard just smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Leonard heard footsteps out in the hall, he looked through the peek hole to see Amber walking up the stairs towards the roof, he thought she looked sad, why was she going up to the roof? Hope she isn't going to do something stupid, he decided to go and find out what's wrong. He heads up the roof and opens the door to see Amber standing very close to the edge.

"Hi Amber,"

She didn't turn around; she just kept staring into the night as If he wasn't there or heard him.

"Amber, is there something wrong, you seem upset, why are you crying?"

She finally spoke, "It nothing Leonard I am fine."

"If you are feeling down, please talk to me, that's what I am here for, to be your friend and help you just like you helped me."

She turns around, he could now see she had been crying, his heart smelted for her.

"I am sorry Leonard, I am just feeling low today, I'll be okay."

Leonard walks to up to her and pull her into a hug which she accepted gracefully, crying on his shoulder.

"I am sorry Amber."

"What are you sorry for, you haven't done anything wrong, and it's just me being silly."

"You are not silly, you are amazing, just because things may seem bad right now doesn't mean they'll be that way tomorrow." comforting her.

"Do you want to talk about It, I am all ears." he chuckles.

She forced a smile, you're making me feel better already, "I just had a bad day at work everything seems to go wrong today. My ex-boyfriend also keeps popping into my head, it's all just so overwhelming."

"I know how you feel, being there, he paused for a momemt then continued. Sadness stays no matter how hard you force yourself to be happy, I have good and bad days, but the best cure is to try and think of good things, or just do things to get your mind away from what is making you sad, like exercising or watching a movie you like."

"Is that what you do when you are sad?"

"Well maybe the movie part not the exercising, I just play games with the guys or just put myself into my work."

"Would you watch a movie with me?" she asked.

"Anything you want Amber, I am here for you, and If you don't want to talk, then try and think of happy thoughts, you never know it might even trigger some happy memories."

This time she smiles but wasn't forced. "You really know how to cheer up a girl when she is down. Thank you Leonard, I needed that, you are a good friend."

"You're welcome," smiling at her. "Come on lets go watch one of your movies I am sure that will cheer you up more than me."

"Oh, I don't know about that," they walk toward the roof exit.

"So what would you like to watch." Leonard asked, standing by the door.

"I don't know maybe you can go next door and get one of you movies."

"Don't think you will like any of mine, they are kind of nerdy," looking embarrassed. "I am supposed to be cheering you up, not depressing you", he chuckled.

"I guess you're right, laughing. I like funny movies, do you?"

"Yeah," he lied.

"Have you seen Anchorman?" Amber asked.

"No."

"Hangover,"

"No,"

"Wedding Crashers."

Looking at his feet, "No."

"I thought you said you liked comedies?"

"I do, I like The Monty Python," smiling.

"Yeah, that doesn't really count."

"Yes it does", raising a brow

"Fine Leonard, Lets watch Hangover," she put the DVD in and sat down, "Leonard are you going to sit down or watch the movie standing up"

"Fiddling with his fingers, Emmm, yeah, I mean no," she laughs at this. So adorable she thought.

"I don't bite you know." She giggles as he sat next to her on the couch.

They watch the movie sitting next to each other, Amber laughing out loud to the funny bits, sometimes slapping his shoulder, Leonard looked at Amber. She was a different person from an hour ago, he smiled to himself glad he could make her happy again. He wondered what went on between her and her ex, he wanted to ask, but felt if she doesn't want to talk about it then he wouldn't bring it up, she will confine in him when she is ready. He was just happy that she was happy. After the movie ended, they just sat there talking about nothing and laughing so comfortable together and enjoying each other's company. She looked at him as he looked away she threw a cushion which hit him right in the face askewing his glasses, she grabbed another just as he grabbed her hands to pin her on the couch stopping the assault, she struggled to get free but he was too strong for her.

"Give." said Leonard.

"No," laughing at him.

"If you don't give, I will tickle you until you do."

She stopped struggling as they just stared into each other eyes both breathing heavily and then it happened, they kissed, it was soft and sensual as the kiss deepen it arouse deep emotions and feelings.

"I love you." she mumbled,

"I love you too," suddenly Leonard jumped off her.

"I am sorry what... I shouldn't have done that, I am sorry."

"She looked at him puzzled "It ok, I really liked it."

"I am sorry Amber, I can't do this, it's not right please forgive me, I need to go."

"Leonard you don't have to, I like you and I know you like me too, so what's the problem."

"It's not you it's me."

"Is this about Penny?"

"I'll see you around." He walks out of her apartment leaving her stunned and confused.

* * *

><p>Leonard was confused about the events of last night, and started overthinking things, why did she say she loved me and why did I say it back? Why did he kiss her, where did the sexual tension come from? But it felt right and I must admit I liked it. But somehow he felt guilty about kissing her, did he have feeling for her. Oh my god, I still love Penny that's why it felt wrong but how can I, when I really like Amber, she been a breath of fresh air since she moved in, we are both wounded but something just keeps drawing us closer &amp; closer. Why did she say she loved me, she was depressed about her ex only hours before the kiss. This isn't right I need to find Penny. Maybe I am deluded thinking she will come back. The others were right, I need to move on, Amber is perfect for me, she is smart, kind hearted loving and beautiful. I am overthinking things again. Leonard decided to concentrate on his work to get his mind off Penny &amp; Amber.<p>

"Hi Leonard,"

"Hi Bernadette, what are you doing here?"

"I'm meeting Howard for lunch, but he is not in his lab or with Raj so i thought he was with you,"

"Sorry I haven't seen him since this morning"

"Leonard, are you ok, Sheldon told Amy you came home last night looking very distressed and upset."

"I'm fine Bernadette."

"You don't look it, what's wrong Leonard."

"Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?"

"What do you mean, what's going on Leonard?"

He looks down at his feet nervously and said "I think I am in love with Amber but i think I still love Penny."

"Wow... what the hell, why do you think you love Amber?"

"I can't stop thinking about her, I keep making excuses to go and see her, just like I did with Penny when she first moved in. Deep down I am so confused about my feeling and I can't let go of Penny because I feel I need closure with penny before I can move on."

"Leonard, you need to realize that Penny might never come back and if that is stopping you from moving on, then you will never be happy. Does Amber know how you feel?"

"I know, that's why I need to find her, Amber feels the same, something happened last night between us."

"What... you slept with her?"

"No, no, we never got that far we kissed we said we love each other, then I panicked when Penny came into my head and I got those feelings again so i stopped it and left."

"I don't know what to say about Penny, but i think she is not coming back and moving on is a better option." Bernadette said.

"I can't. She still loves me she said so in the letter."

"All she does it hurt you Leonard."

"She doesn't mean to," Leonard said defensively of her."

"Leonard she said sympathetically. "Just follow your heart. Have you spoken to Amber since... you know.?"

"No, I think we are avoiding each other."

"You can't avoid her forever, speak to her maybe it might help you make the right decision."

"You are right; I need to make a decision. Thank you Bernadette, talking to you has really helped."

"I gonna go and find Howard. as she walks out of Leonard's lab, she turns and said, everything will work out, just have faith and choose what is right for you."

* * *

><p>Leonard thought of Amber and the I love you they shared, she being the only one temptation since penny left, that must mean something but I don't know if I want to be with her<p>

I miss Penny so much, I just want to be close to her again, feel her next to me. Sometimes I just close my eyes so I can be with her, or am I just addicted to the pain. What is love? He thought. I will always love Penny even If we are not together and even if we are far away from each other. I now know what to do. It's always been you Penny. If it's the last thing I do I will find you my love. I am sorry Amber.

Leonard and Sheldon reached their apartment. Leonard thought of the chat he had with Bernadette , he decided this was the right time to clear the air and tell her about his decision.

"Sheldon, I need to speak to Amber about something, I will see you later."

"Just don't come back upset because she wouldn't have coitus with you."

"That's not the reason I was upset."

"Yes Leonard, right..." as he enters 4A and shut the door leaving Leonard standing in the hallway.

Leonard knocked on 4B and waited, no answer he knew she was in because her car was parked outside. He knocked again.

"Amber, it's me please let me in, we need to talk about what happened, we can't keep avoiding It." Leonard gather his thoughts and was about to give up when she opened the door.

"Hi, can... I come in." Leonard said shyly.

She just nodded and went to sit on the couch. He closed the door and stood behind it. He could tell she had being drinking as there was a nearly empty bottle of wine on the coffee table.

"So how have you been?"

She looked up at him with sadness in her eyes, raised glass and said "Great everything is great." sarcasm, evident in her voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I am just confused and have questions."

"Look its fine, I get it, I don't know why I said I love you, and I know you were thinking of Penny when you said it back."

"I'm sorry, I do have feeling for you and you are what I dream of in a woman, you are smart, kind sincere caring but…"

"Great here comes the but... You still love Penny."

Leonard looked away but couldn't deny it.

"Yes she broke my heart into a million pieces but I can't get her out of my mind, I know she still loves me and I don't think it fair to lead you on while in love with someone else. I just don't understand how I could be in love with two people I want to be with you but I also want Penny, I spend years loving her and I can't just give up on her, she send me a letter expressing her undying love for me but we couldn't be together because something happened to her. I need to find her and find out if there is anything left or help her to overcome whatever happened."

"Leonard, do what you have to do, I understand as long as you are happy"

"You need to understand..."

"What if you can't find her?"

"I have to at least try."

"Why do you have to find her, we love each other, just forget about her and we can work things out, you said it yourself you love me."

"But I also love Penny."

"I think you need to stop this infatuation with Penny, let go we have something that is special don't break it." Amber was now getting angry.

"I am sorry but I've already made my mind up." He said sadly.

"You are such a coward she screamed angrily."

"I am sorry."

"You will never find her she spat out."

"While would you say that."

Without thinking, she shouted. "Because she is dead..."

"What... why would you say something so horrible about someone you don't even know." He shouted back.

"Because it's true" she replied.

"Wow, I just got to asked again, wait don't you ever say that again, Penny is not..."

"For crying out loud, I'm Penny." She shouted. Putting her hands over her tears filled face.

**A/N: Sorry, not a fan of cliff hangers but couldn't help It, :)**


	10. Chapter 10

"I used to be Penny". She said sadly in her real penny voice, not able to look at him, she felt so ashamed and horrible.

Leonard wasn't sure what was happening, am I going crazy or is she? How can she be Penny! It doesn't make sense.

"I don't understand, you can't be... you look nothing like Penny. Seriously, are you crazy or what?"

"No I'm not! She cried out loud, "something happened to me that changed me beyond recognition and I just couldn't deal with it and I didn't think you would understand or still want me."

Leonard went and sat on the couch next to her, consoling her. "Amber, erm… Penny."

"Please tell me what happened? "

She slowly raised her head to finally look at him and nodded.

**8 months ago**

"Penny you deserve better. I am rich and I could change your life for ever, I really like you. Penny, come with me, you wouldn't regret it". Penny thought, I like rich, well I always said I will marry for love or money. But Leonard is the love of my life so love wins.

"I am sorry for leading you on, it was wrong of me, I just thought it was a bit of fun and I didn't mean for it to go any further, now my boyfriend hates me and knows I have been flirting with you, I need to find him. He is missing, and I love him with all my heart", said Penny, trying to stop the tears that that were threatening to flow.

Tom could see he was getting nowhere with Penny and she seemed to really love this man "Ok I better be going," disappointed and dejected, he looked at Penny and said, "if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." He walked towards the exit of the apartment block. "Good bye penny."

"Tom?"

He turned to look at penny. "Yes?"

"There wasn't ever an audition for me, was there?"

"No Penny, I am sorry" he said sadly, then exited the block.

"I thought so. Jerk!"

She walked the distance to her car. As she drove, she kept looking right and left in case she spotted Leonard on the side walk. After 40 minutes she still hadn't spotted him. Penny was now a mess thinking the worst when she finally saw a figure on the right hand side that looked like Leonard. As she tried to get a better look she didn't see the truck on her left side that had just jumped a red light and slammed into the side of her car.

Penny was rushed to the nearest hospital with severe injuries, particularly to her face. Her condition wasn't good; she had lost a lot of blood and was unconscious. She was immediately taken in to the theatre for emergency surgery to save her and avoid permanent disability.

After surgery, Penny was transferred to the post anaesthesia care unit so she could recover. The operation was successful but she still wasn't out of danger. She did not suffer any long term damage to her bones or limbs but had suffered severe facial damage due to debris from the windscreen of her car. Penny was going to need facial reconstruction surgery to repair her face.

"Have you been able to trace her emergency contact yet?" the surgeon who operated on Penny asked the duty nurse.

"No Dr Harris, we can't find any identification on her and according to the paramedics and the police she didn't have any in her car."

"Ok Sarah, see if we can get a match on our records from her blood test results," said Dr Harris

"Yes Dr Harris, right away," the duty nurse said as she began to update some information into the computer.

Penny's father arrived two days later and rushed to his daughter's side. It broke his heart seeing Penny lying there so helpless, with bandages almost all around her head, with only a little bit of space around her nose so she could breathe.

He immediately went over and sat next to her, she was looking away from him and he could tell she was crying because of the tears around the bandage. He slowly grabbed her hand.

"Penny." No movement,

"Penny," he said again, she turned around and put her arms out for her father to embrace her, each holding the other and crying. After what seemed like a long time but was only around 10 minutes he broke the hug still holding her hands.

"Penny are you ok, can we talk?" She shook her head to answer no. he held her while she lay back down and slowly fell asleep.

Wyatt sat next to her and just stroked her arm and said "I am here for you slugger," a tear rolling down his face.

He thought about the phone call he received informing him his daughter had been in an accident. He had imaged the worst and wasted no time in booking a flight to be with her. He also wondered why Leonard wasn't with her and why his phone was switched off.

Dr Harris, it's nice to me you said Wyatt, I am Penny's dad."

"Hello nice to meet you too, can I call you Wyatt."

"Yes of course," he looked at him worriedly, "how is she doing?

"Can we talk outside?"

"Sure," they both walked out of Penny's ward, Dr Harris then led him his office

"Please sit down," Wyatt nodded and took a seat facing the doctor, he asked again.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"She is stable for now, but she has been through a traumatic experience, the surgery was successful to repair some damaged tissues, no broken bones, she should make a full recovery but she needs time to recover. Also having her family and friends around will help her a lot."

"Thank god" said a relieved Wyatt.

Dr Harris continued, "We are concerned about the damage to her face, I am afraid we may have to resort to plastic surgery to repair your daughters face; It was damaged badly in the crash."

"Oh no," said Wyatt concerned again, "isn't there something else you can do to avoid that."

"It too early to say, but I am just letting you know now that It might be her only option said Dr Harris as he put his hand on Wyatt shoulder to comfort him." If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask, I will do my best to answer them for you."

"Thank you Dr Harris, I will.

**Weeks Later**

The bandage had been removed and Penny had to wear a mask, she could slowly talk but not for long as it hurt after a while.

Wyatt had been with her all the time, staying in a nearby hotel across the road from the medical centre. Penny finally told him what happened, but not the fallout with Leonard and she made him promise not to contact Leonard until after the surgery.

"Penny, why don't you want to see Leonard, did he do something wrong?"

"No he didn't, I just don't want him to see me like this." Penny answered, she wanted to cry but it hurt too much when she did.

"You are hurting him by not letting him know where you are. You know how much he loves you and worries about you."

"Dad I hurt him again. I did something stupid and now he hates me, all I ever do is hurt him. I don't deserve him; maybe this is my punishment for all the pain I have caused him."

"Penny, don't you ever say that this is not your fault, Leonard loves you and we all make mistakes from time to time. Please understand whatever you think you did and you want to talk about it, I am here for you, OK?"

Penny nods "Daddy I can't let him see me like this, he wouldn't love me anymore looking like this." She began to sob, trying to hold in the pain that it was causing.

"Don't say that. That boy has loved everything about you from day one, not just your beauty."

"I can't let him see me like this," she said again. "Please let's just keep this between us for now. I can't deal with this right now."

"OK, but you need to talk to him soon. He is probably worried sick about you and he be wondering where you are."

"I will, but not right now."

Penny had a full face transplant led by Dr Harris & a team of 3 physicians. It took about 14 hours to replace the full facial area including the nose and eyelid muscles that provided sensitivity.

Penny's recovery was remarkable and it was soon time to remove the mask and see her face for the first time since the accident.

They managed to repair the damage and restore a natural appearance as far as possible.

Penny cried when she saw her new face, it was beautiful. You would never know she had plastic surgery, but this wasn't her face. This wasn't her. "What happened to my face?"

"Leonard will never recognise me looking this way. Will he still love me?" she thought. "I can't let him see me like this,"

"Daddy what have they done to me? This is not me!" she cried.

"Calm down penny, this was the best they could do. Your skin was too badly damaged to graft and they had to use blood vessels from the face of a suicide victim."

Penny cried for days, she was still pretty and her face was more perfect than ever. She also looked a lot younger. She still had the same shaped nose but smaller, while everything else was different. She should be happy but Penny couldn't forget that this face wasn't hers.

All she could think about was Leonard reaction when he would see her. Would he still love her with a different face? Would he understand? What if he decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if he can't handle the fact that I am different? Penny needed to make a decision on her future.

"Dad I want to go home when I am discharged."

"Do you want me to call Leonard?"

"No," she replied, looking out of the ward window. "I want to come home with you. There is nothing here for me anymore" she murmured, sadly.

"What about Leonard?" asked Wyatt.

"He probably doesn't want anything to do with me after what happened before the accident, he'll meet someone else who will love him and cherish him for the person he is."

"Penny, is this really what you want? I don't know what happened between you and Leonard but I am sure you can work it out."

"I have made up my mind, I want to come home with you, my life here is over, my face has changed, this is not the face Leonard fell in love with. I don't want him to be with me because he feels sorry for me or be a burden on him," she said, tears slowly sliding down her face.

"OK Penny," putting his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, "if that is what you want we'll go back to Nebraska."

"Dad, I have been thinking, I don't want anything to do with my old life, it's too painful. Promise me you will keep this a secret and if Leonard or the gang ever asks about my whereabouts, you do not know where I am."

"Penny, is this what you really want? You are hurting a lot of people who care about you."

"Yes Daddy I know, I've thought about it for a while now and this is what I want."

"OK slugger."

"And another thing," she said in a commanding voice, "don't call me that anymore."

She walked away from the hospital with her dad, her head held high and eyes beet red from crying, she knew at that moment what it meant to be without Leonard.

**A/N: I'm not a medical expert so If I got anything wrong with the treatment of Penny's injuries, I apologize.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry about the delay for posting this chapter. Stuff came up.**

Penny arrived home with her dad to her mom's delight. Not caring about her looks happy she was alive and not disfigured. She rushed to hug her mum and sister who were happy that she was alright and suffered no long term damage, while the men of the house stood and watched, emotions running through them but holding it in. It took a while to get used to Penny being different but all could see this was the Penny they knew and loved. The only difference was her face. They loved her new look, but Penny felt trapped, and everyone tiptoeing to make her happy just made things worse. Everyone always asking if she was okay made her feel like she didn't belong here but right now what she needed the most was the love and care from her loved ones so she could heal.

Penny's injuries were healing with just a few bruises visible. Penny couldn't bring herself to look in the mirror as she felt different, like she was someone else. It took a while for her to settle in and adjust to her new face and environment, but all her family were there for her and did not judge and tried to encourage her to move on and embrace her new look, assuring her she was beautiful and lucky to be alive. No matter how much her parents tried to help her, she refused to open up, preferring to spend time in her room thinking about Leonard and how they were meant to be together. Penny felt pain and anger, she couldn't help but think her fears and insecurities were keeping them apart but something powerful beyond her control kept drawing her to want to be close to him. Yet she wanted the best for him and for him to find happiness which she felt he deserved. After a few week Penny asked her dad and brother to go to Pasadena and collect her belonging.

"Penny, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Dad my life in Pasadena is over, I need a fresh start."

"What if Leonard asks where you are?"

"Just tell him you don't know and I just called you to put my stuff in storage."

"Penny, Leonard will be devastated, he loves you." Penny's fears started to kick in again.

"Dad, Leonard loves Penny, not this version of Penny. Please give him this." She handed him a letter as the tears started to fall again.

"You don't have to go through this alone, are you sure this is what you want?"

"It's for the best. I keep hurting him and I don't want to hurt him anymore, he will get over me and meet someone who will make him happy and not hurt him like I always seems to do."

"Why are you doing this? It's killing you inside."

"It's for the best I'll be okay I promise," answered Penny getting emotional.

"I hope so, I really hope so, he muttered."

Penny put all her energy into helping around the house and farm, anything to get her mind away from thinking about Leonard. She had made the decision to cut him from her life. A decision she was now regretting. No matter how hard she tried she could not get Leonard out of her mind. She thought of all the good times they had together and how much meeting Leonard had changed her life for the good.

Penny tried to move on without Leonard, she met up with old friends and hung out with them. They didn't think differently of her but its wasn't the same. She thought the longer she's away from Leonard things would get easier, but they just got worse. Her days started with thoughts of Leonard and ended the same.

Penny felt lonely even though her family were all around her and tried to ease the pain, and the days were getting easier but it was the nights that were harder to deal with. The loneliness kicked in with no Leonard to snuggle into. She found it hard to sleep, she had good dreams about her being back in Leonard arms, but sometimes they would turn into nightmares where she hurt him over and over again, then she would wake up in the night all alone. With Leonard not beside her she would turn the radio on just for company then she would realize she had been crying in her sleep. She just lay there crying until she fell asleep again.

"What's that you got there?" her mum asked as enters Penny's room with a cup of coffee for her.

"Oh it's a snowflake; Leonard made it for me when he went to the North Pole."

"It's beautiful," her mum said.

Holding it to her heart she said "It will last forever just like my love for him."

"You really love him don't you?"

"With all my heart mom, I am nothing without him." Penny's mom passed her the coffee and sat on the bed next to her, with a serious look on her face and asked.

"Penny, what happened with you and Leonard before the accident?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It just reminds me how stupid I can be and how I do not think about the consequences of my actions."

"Did you cheat on him?"

"Mom... No of course not...I would never cheat on Leonard," she said, defensively.

"Please tell me what happened. It will help."

Penny stood up and walked to the window, looking out to the fields she slowly said, "I kind of started texting & flirting with some other guy. Nothing happened, I promise. I stopped as soon as I figured out his game"

"How could you do that?"

"I don't know I thought he could get me a part in a movie, but I found out it was all lies and he just wanted to sleep with me."

"I'm sorry, that's not a reason to flirt with another guy. How did Leonard find out?"

"He got suspicious so he looked at my phone and when he found out he was devastated."

"Too right, you messed up the best thing in your life just for a movie part?"

"I know, I miss him so much, I'm such a mess it's like i can't function without him. Thinking about Leonard gives me such good feelings, but the pain of losing him is the worst," she cried. Her mother just held her and let her cry on her shoulder.

"Hey Dad, you are back how did it go?"

"Well it went fine all your stuff is in storage."

Penny really wanted to know about Leonard. "Did you seem him," she asked as she looked down at her feet.

"No, according to his crazy roommate he left to go east to see his family and get away."

"Oh, did he say how long for?"

"A month or so, I also gave him your letter to give to him when he returns."

"Thank you Daddy."

"Penny, Sheldon also said they think you ran off with a guy, Leonard thinks so too."

"No. I'm just going to go for a walk." she headed out the front door hiding the tears from her dad.

"If it's meant to be you will find each other again," he shouted.

"Are you OK," Penny's sister asked as she walked into the stable where Penny was brushing one of the horses.

"I'm fine, why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Dad said you looked upset, Penny talk to me." She sighed.

"Why won't the pain go away?"

"I dont know, maybe because there is a place in your heart that remembers the good from the start."

"It hurts so much remembering."

"Penny you can't do this forever, you need to think about your future."

"I have no future without Leonard," Penny said sadly. "I'm trying to do the right thing but everything seems to go wrong, nobody sees my point or how I'm feeling, I can't move on. We are meant to be together."

"I'm sorry Penny I was just trying to help; I know it's not easy for you right now."

She looked at her sister. "Thank you."

"Penny I can see you love him to bits and I am guessing from what dad said about him, he worships the ground you walk on. You guys need to be together even if your face has changed. You are the same person deep down and he will never forget that or you, because the love between you two is so strong that it wouldn't let go."

"That was beautiful. So what do I do?"

"Only you can answer that question."

A few weeks had gone by and Penny was getting back to her normal self, she still missed and cried over Leonard, but she went riding a lot which helped her to forget the pain and the hopelessness in her heart. Even though Penny had been snappy with her family she knew they were only trying to help, but it could get too overwhelming when everyone kept saying different things to her. Penny was riding one of the horses back when she saw her Dad waiting for her.

"Hey Dad, what are you doing here, I told you I'm fine."

"Am I not allowed to talk to my daughter who I haven't seen all day?"

"Why did you miss me?" she teased."

"Of course I did, I worry about you."

"Dad I'm fine. I love him still and always will but sitting at home trying not to cry because all I dream of is loneliness and wondering if I have the strength to carry on is not the way forward. He made me realize how It feels to be loved, time is moving on and I need him more than ever." He helped her off the horse and embraced her. He decided now was the right time to pitch his idea to Penny.

"Go back to him Penny."

"I can't I'm scared of the consequences," he looked her in the eyes and smiled.

"Go to him and let him to fall in love with you all over again," he said

"What... how's that possible, I don't understand."

"You're an actress, be someone else. If he falls for you again then it's meant to be."

"You mean pretend to be someone else who he falls in love with."

"Yes, it will prove to you that Leonard loves you no matter what you look like. He didn't just fall for your beauty, but for who you are inside; your personality, your caring nature an."

"What if he rejects me?" She sighed.

"It won't be easy, but love will save the day. Trust me, just be someone else but keep those qualities that he loves about you and it will all come together."

"I don't know."

"Penny, stop fighting it and go to him, I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart to see you so depressed."

"Dad you are right, I'm done being miserable. I love him and I will make him win my heart all over again," then she thought, "Where am I going to stay?"

Wyatt smiled and said, "I kept your flat just in case you changed your mind."

"Oh daddy," hugging him. "Thank you so much."

This was the first time Penny had smiled in weeks.


	12. Chapter 12

"So that's my story," said Penny, playing with her fingers on her lap nervously.

"I don't know what to say, it's all too much for me to take in right now," said Leonard, wondering whether to head out the door. Silence filled the room as words were lost to them.

The silence was making them nervous, two souls just grieving barely touching each other. Penny wanted Leonard to say something anything she could tell he was thinking hard. He finally spoke after what seems like an hour even though it had only been ten minutes.

"I'm really sorry about the accident I truly am, but why couldn't you trust me to be there for you? What hurts the most is that you thought I could leave you or you would be a burden on me. Why would you think that?"

"I can't explain it. I was scared Leonard, I thought I had lost you for ever after the incident with the texting and you going missing."

Leonard shook his head as he spoke, "All I ever wanted was to spend time with you but you lied to me because someone else was on your mind. If you loved me like you said, why would you play with my emotions like that?"

She looked down at her hands "Leonard I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was thinking. I promise you nothing happened. He said he was a movie producer and could get me a part in a movie so I gave him my number."

"Were you going to sleep with him to get the part?" He asked angrily.

"No… Leonard I love you and will never do that to you. When I saw his text about going to a hotel I stopped all conversation with him and told him to leave me alone."

"So why was he at your apartment at midnight? The caretaker saw you hugging and crying, what was that about?"

"Leonard I honestly don't know how he found out where I live, he just turned up while I was on my way to find you. I told him I loved you and nothing was going to happen between us. The hug meant nothing, I was upset about you and he was just consoling me. He wanted me to go with him but I said that would never happen because I was madly in love with you and I can't think of any universe where you are not in my life." she looked directly into his eyes as she said those words.

"I want to believe you Penny but I find it hard how you could so easily cut me out of your life just like that."

"Leonard please believe me," she pleaded, "After the accident I was broken and all I could think of was, 'I have hurt you again,' and I thought the best way to stop hurting you was to leave you so you can be with someone who treats you right. I also didn't want you to see me with my face all bashed and probably beyond repair. All I could think of was you rejecting me because I looked different. I wasn't the girl next door you fell in love with. I didn't think you would love me anymore." Tears streaming down her face.

Leonard didn't know what to say. She was an emotional wreck and he wanted to pull her into a hug but something was stopping him. He felt anger, betrayal, pain and fear. He didn't think he could bring himself to forgive her deception and for misleading him. It had fractured his sense of reality. His insecurities were taking a nose dive.

"Penny… Can I call you Penny?"

She nods "I know I have changed but I still want to be Penny to you. I j…"

"Stop" He walked towards the window, staring at the rain beating down outside and the flashes of lighthing in the horizon. This is my entire fault, I did this to you," he mumbled.

"No Leonard this is not your fault, my actions caused our pain and I'm paying the price."

"Yes it is, if I had just stayed around instead of running away you would have not been in that accident."

She rushed over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He pushed it away, trying to hide his tear-filled face from her.

"You are right for leaving, I don't deserve you. I'm just an insecure nerd who was jealous and selfish."

"Leonard you always do this, blaming yourself when I do something stupid or hurt you," she cried. "This is not your fault, what happened happened for a reason and it was my stupid mistake that I am paying for, so stop it."

"You should never have gone out looking for me then none of this would have happen," he said, sliding to the floor.

"Please Leonard stop it, I know I broke you heart and it can't be healed just like that and I know how painful it must be, knowing it was me who broke it. I will never forgive myself for what I have put you through."

"Penny I know you didn't mean to hurt me but if you did I can't see it in your eyes that you wanted to. You should have told me Penny; I would have been there for you and helped you through all the traumatic ordeals you went through. But you didnt have faith in me to be there for you."

"I know I should have believed in you and let you be there for me no matter what, but I was in a bad place and wasn't thinking properly. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us but then I realized I couldn't live without you. Every day reminded me of what I had given up: you Leonard," she sat down next to him on the floor.

"Penny I don't understand, if you didn't want to be with me because you thought you always hurt me, why did you come back?"

"Because I couldn't get you out of my mind and my heart was hurting for you Leonard," she stood up and walked to the fridge to get them both some water. Handing him a bottle she continued, "When you are broken you fight like hell to stay alive. The pain you felt, the confusion and fear was always there to remind me that you were worth fighting for." She sat back down next to him.

"I don't know what to say. I feel betrayed by the one person I thought would never lie to me. The worst feeling was you just leaving with no explanation and me thinking 'how could she just stop caring just like that?' I felt so heartbroken Penny, I was a mess for months and now you've come back to tear my world apart again."

"I didn't think you would love me with my new face if you knew who I was so my daddy suggested I come back to you and let you fall in love with me all over again. I am not sorry I didnt tell you who I was when I came back, my dad was right about you falling in love with me all over again."

"I was in love with the same person all this time while trying to fight my feelings and choose between you two. I knew there was something about Amber from the first time I met her, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. She reminded me of You so much that I can't believe I didn't figure it out. I guess I was in conflict with myself." He stood and headed towards the door. He turned to face Penny and said, "I need to think. I am so confused right now, I don't know whether this is real or if I am dreaming."

"Leonard," she pleaded, "Don't go. Please stay with me so we can talk some more. I know we can work this out. It will take time but we will get there in the end. I love you Leonard."

"Penny, love is like falling down; you are left hurt and scared and the memories never go away. My heart was taken by you, broken by you and now it's in pieces because of you."

"I know I've made a lot of stupid mistakes but the worst was hurting you. My love is so true, I would never forget you if you decided to walk away." She cried.

"I need space to think, I'm sorry."

"Leonard wait. I have something for you." She disappeared to her bedroom and returned to hand him a large envelope. In it were over 20 love letters she had written to him over the previous eight months. Leonard left her apartment and looked at the writing on the envelope. It said, letters I was too stubborn to send.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been two days since their talk and Leonard was still doing his best to avoid Penny. He just stayed in his room or worked late so he didn't have to go home to the nightmare that he found himself in. Leonard wanted to wake up from this bad dream but this was real.

Leonard didn't know what to do. He'd forgiven Penny as soon as he walked out of her apartment because he knew no matter what he could never be mad at her for too long, but he couldn't forget the pain she caused him and this was a major factor in him wanting to cut all ties with Penny. On the other hand he still loved her. These were  
>the reasons why he was so conflicted. He looked at the unopened letters scattered around his room.<p>

Penny had decided to give him space to come to terms with all that had happened. She knew it was a lot for Leonard to take in and with Leonard's intelligence his brain would be going into overdrive mode. So she had decided to let him be, even though it was driving her crazy not knowing where they stood and if he ever would forgive her and give their love another chance. Penny put all her energy in to her job and visiting the gym to avoid thinking too much about the train wreck she had caused. It also kept her away from drinking as that just made things worse.

The gang had found out about Penny's deception and at first were not pleased but when they heard the full story they sympathized with her. Amy and Bernadette forgave her, but Sheldon, Raj and Howard shunned her due to loyalty to Leonard. They eventually came round after the girls talked some sense into them and Leonard had told them not  
>to pick sides.<p>

Penny heard a knock on her door, she prayed it was Leonard but was a little disappointed when she opened the door and there stood Bernadette and Amy. She forced a smile.

"Hi bestie, we thought you might need cheering up we came to take you to brunch."

"I'm not really in the mood."

"Oh come on Penny, it will be fun. We haven't been out together in ages," said Bernadette.

"It will help you get your mind away from Leonard for a few hours," Amy added.

Penny thought maybe this might help, talking to the girls and getting a different perspective of this whole mess and the thoughts of him leaving her forever.

"I don't know…"

"PLEASEEE..." They both pleaded.

"OK on one condition: you guys don't let me drink too much."

"Agreed," they said in unison.

Leonard exited his bedroom to get some coffee. He walked to the kitchen and saw Sheldon sitting on his spot. He turned the coffee maker on.

"Hi Sheldon."

"Hello Leonard," he replied without looking away from the TV.

"So what are you watching?" Leonard asked.

"Legend Quest on Syfy HD."

"I thought you hate that show," he said, pouring himself some coffee.

"It's simple Leonard, there is nothing else on."

Leonard rolled his eye and smirked. "Yeah that's why."

"So Leonard, how's Penny doing?" asked Sheldon, turning to face him.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her in a couple of days and I don't want to talk about it." Leonard took his coffee and walked toward his bedroom.

"It might help," said Sheldon.

Leonard stopped at the hallway and turned around.

"Really"

"Yes Leonard, really. You are my friend and I hate seeing you sad"

"Thank you Sheldon that was nice."

"Sarcasm?" Sheldon asked, looking at Leonard.

"No Sheldon."

"Oh OK. Look, you know her directions always lead to you because she cares about you."

"I care about her too, but what's the point in holding on if she keeps hurting me?" Leonard asked.

"You know she doesn't mean to hurt you, she's just not good at making good decisions or judgments," Sheldon replied.

Leonard sat on his chair sipping his coffee.

"I just can't take the risk of her hurting me again and I'm not a puppet she can pull by a string whenever she wants."

"Leonard I can't tell you whether what Penny did was right or wrong. Only you can make that decision, but I can tell you one thing: if you are asking if she still loves you I'll have to say the answer is yes."

"And how did you come to that conclusion might I ask?"

"Leonard the math is simple. She came back to you. Let me rephrase that. She came back to _be_ with you."

He looked at Sheldon and said, "If she had told me when she was sick all I would have wanted to do was take care of her and be at her bedside all day and night, but she choose not to trust me because she didn't have faith in me to be there for her. Do you know how that makes me feel?" Leonard asked.

"Sad, confused, feeling unloved, but the question you have to ask yourself is, do you believe in what you see?" Sheldon said.

"What do you mean?" Leonard looked puzzled.

"The change in Penny: her new appearance and personality change. Do you feel like she is the same Penny that you fell in love with all those years ago?"

"I don't know to be honest. Spending all my nights and mornings thinking about Amber reminded me of Penny so much that I think subconsciously I fell in love with Penny all over again."

Sheldon smiled and said, "She loves you in every way. I don't know why and I don't care, so leave me alone because Firefly is now on."

Leonard shook his head and got up.

"Thanks for the talk. It has really helped."

"Of course it has, I have a very high IQ."

"Good old Sheldon is back," he mumbled as he headed towards his room.

"I heard that."

The girls were sitting outside a cafe eating brunch and talking.

Bernadette had ordered banana pancake with crispy bacon and syrup while Amy went for baked salmon and eggs. Penny ordered French toast stuffed with banana and maple syrup.

"So Penny do you feel different you know with your new face?"

"Amy! You can't ask her that," said Bernadette, nearly choking on her bacon.

"It's okay Bernadette, it's fine." said Penny.

"At first I had a hard time dealing with it and I thought people would treat me differently. That happened by the way. My family and friends back in Nebraska…"

"And how did that affect you? Bernadette asked, playing with her food with her fork.

"I knew they were only trying to help and be there for me. The support was great but I couldn't help feeling different and that they were quashing me."

Amy put her hand on her shoulder and said, "What you were experiencing was the stress of your injuries. The plastic surgery and the thought of losing Leonard made you act irrationally."

"What does that mean Amy?"

"You weren't dealing with the changes well. All this contributed to your depression."

"Depression? What are you talking about, I wasn't depressed."

"When you left the hospital were you offered counselling?" Bernadette asked.

She looked down at her plate and said, "Yes but I turned it down because I didn't think I needed it."

"Penny my diagnosis is you suffered severe depression after your surgery which made you start having doubts about your new self-image." Amy confirmed.

"That's probably why you rejected Leonard and your friends. You feared imperfection and the way people might perceive you." Bernadette added.

"You guys might be right. I wasn't myself for a while," said Penny, getting upset.

Amy look at Penny. "The plastic surgery probably caused an identity crisis and a sort of personality change. It is common with people who have surgery."

"Will this feeling ever go away?" Penny asked.

"Of course it will. With the help of our group and your family you will get better," Bernadette added.

"I should've trusted you guys from the beginning, especially Leonard. I now know that he would never have deserted me."

"You are not alone. We are here for you and if you need to see a psychologist we will support you and you are still my bestie."

"Thank you guys I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused."

"Don't be we know you weren't yourself."

Penny tried to lighten the mood, "I can't believe you called my dad and pretended to be me," she said, smiling at Amy

"Sorry about that, we were just worried about you."

"It's okay. Remember when you guys told me and I took that phone call in my room."

"Yeah we thought that was weird. Who was that?"

Penny laughed, "It was my dad warning me about you guys and to be careful." They all laughed at that. Bernadette then became serious again, touching Penny's arm.

"He will do the right thing. I know Leonard loves you."

"If he ever forgives me I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving to him how much I love him. She dried her eyes. "Do you think he I'll ever find it in his heart to forgive me?"

"He will. You are doing the right thing, giving him space. This must be really hard for Leonard to take in." Bernadette said.

Penny looked at the couple next to them who were holding hands, kissing and staring into each other eyes. A strand of jealousy ran through her, wishing Leonard was here to hold her.  
>She felt cold and lonely at the same time. She needed her Leonard for the warmth he always provided. She broke a sweat.<p>

"I need to see him." She stood up to leave.

"Penny wait, when he is ready he will find you. Don't rush him." said Amy.

"I'm so scared. What if he doesn't want anything to do with me?" Penny said, sitting back down.

"You need to realize that Leonard will never give up on you, he is just lost and confused right now."

"I don't know what to do. I still love him. I don't want to hurt him or hurt anymore. I hope you are right Amy, I really do," she said sadly.

Penny was happy she had come out. It had really helped talking to the girls; she really hoped they were right about Leonard.

Leonard crashed onto his bed. He thought about what Sheldon said. He hated to admit he was right. He just couldn't get Penny out of his mind. He was addicted to loving her and he hated the fact that she had this power over him, able to pick him up and put him down whenever she wanted. He knew she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, but his fears of her hurting him again wouldn't go away. He also felt bad because he  
>knew she was going through a lot of changes. Maybe it was a good thing. He<br>had noticed a lot of difference in her, as she seemed more open with her feelings and  
>insecurities. He needed to talk to Penny and see if it was meant to be or not.<br>Maybe this is the new version of Penny, upgraded to the latest firmware with all  
>the bugs fixed from the unstable version, but how long before she would need<br>another update?

He picked up one of her letters and began to read it. Soon enough he felt the tears starting to build up. As he read more of her letters, he understood the pain the hurt and the fear that Penny had been going through. He realized that being in love with Penny  
>was the most wonderful and painful thing he had ever felt. Nobody compares to<br>her. He missed their togetherness, her smile and those beautiful eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue to love after being hurt.**

"So Leonard, did you know that Olympus Mons is the largest volcano in our solar system.?" Sheldon said as they came up the stairs. They reached the 4th floor just as Penny opened her door to a guy. Leonard's heart raced to his throat. He quickly tried to open the door to their apartment. The guy turned around and said "hi" to Sheldon as Leonard opened the door and entered, followed by Sheldon who shut the door behind him.

"Are you okay Leonard?"

"No, how could she move on so quickly?" Leonard said.

"Why would you think that?"

"Didn't you see her hugging that guy as you shut the door? She let him into her apartment" he said angrily.

"Leonard, Leonard, Leonard. Why would you think she moved on."

"Didn't you see what happened?"

"Yes but I don't get why you are angry. It's not like anything is going to happen between them."

"And how the hell do you know that nothing will happen, Sheldon?"

"Have you already forgotten what Penny used to look like?"

"I'm not following of course I haven't what are you getting at?"

"Really Leonard you didn't see the resemblance?"

"What are you getting at?"

Sheldon roll his eyes. "He's her brother numbnuts."

Leonard looked at Sheldon not understanding. "And how do you know that?"

He was with Penny's dad when they came to get her things and Wyatt introduced him as his son."

Leonard blinked rapidly and said "Why didn't you start with that?" He smirked, wanting to kill Sheldon right now.

"You are always over thinking things."

* * *

><p>"So was that Leonard?" Her brother asked.<p>

"Yeah I think he still hates me. Did you see the look on his face? He totally ignored me."

"Couldn't wait to get in his apartment," he laughed.

"Stop it. He is just avoiding me at the moment," she said sadly.

"He looked shocked when he saw us. Do you think he thought I'm your new squeeze?" He laughed out loud.

"You're enjoying this aren't you, watching your sister suffer?"

"Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to be horrible, just trying to cheer you up."

"I'm sorry too. So how have you been? I know dad send you to see if I'm OK," said Penny, with her hand on her hip.

"Penny we are just worried about you and dad thought it might help having a family member around for a few days."

"Sorry I'm glad you came, how is everyone?"

"They are good they just worry about you, but I can see you are getting better."

"Thanks, so what do you think of Leonard?" Penny asked.

"He seems like a nice guy. I would love to meet him."

"Well at the moment that's not possible."

"Why."

"He stormed out while we were talking said he wanted some space to think that was 3 days ago."

"Did you tell him everything?"

"Practically, and he hates me."

"He hates me too judging by the look he gave me said it all. If looks could kill I'll be dead now," he said, smirking.

"What look?"

"When he saw me he gave me this evil look."

"Oh my god," she said, putting her hand to her month.

"What?"

"Knowing Leonard I know he's going to think that your my new boyfriend."

"That's sick Penny."

"He overthinks things I need to see him and explain. He's never met you before."

* * *

><p>She opened her door to go to 4A just as Leonard opened his door at the same time. They just stood there staring at each other, emotions running havoc around their bodies. They finally spoke.<p>

"Hi," they said in unison. They couldn't take their eyes off each other no matter how hard they tried.

"Hi," they said again in unison.

"Can we talk?" They both said, and nodded at the same time. They laughed nervously.

"Can we talk in your apartment?" Leonard asked.

"My brother is here, what about yours?"

"Sheldon is there."

"We could go to roof, it be quiet up there," Penny said.

"OK, lead the way" they headed up to the roof in silence, not wanting to say anything not wanting to be the first to break the silence.

It was a clear evening with a refreshing breeze. The sun was setting in the background and the red and orange sky made the perfect setting for two people who needed to get their feelings out in the open.

"It's a nice colourful sunset," she said trying to break the ice. "It's a beautiful shade of red and orange," he nodded and looked into her eyes.

"You hurt me Penny, by not letting me be there for you and trusting me to do the right thing. Why would you ever think I wouldn't be there for you?"

"I'm sorry Leonard; I don't know what came over me. I wasn't thinking. I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgment and my actions. I have made mistakes and hurt the people I care about, especially you and I'm sorry for that," she looked away from him.

"Your terrible judgment makes it hard to forgive you. I still feel the anger, the resentment and the hurt. It's killing inside to have those thoughts because it's making it hard for me to get back to normality."

"Leonard, I was broken and just fell apart. I'm hurting too and slowly healing. You have got to realize I wasn't myself after the accident. I was in shock and I made some bad decisions based on my mental state at the time. I'm not asking for sympathy, just your understanding and for you to find it in your heart to forgive me." She sat on the floor and put her head on her knees. Leonard walked over and sat beside her.

"I feel what you are going through; it hurts me that you went through it alone. I understand the shock and the terror that suddenly part of you has changed and I hope coming back has helped the healing process by being among friends again," Leonard said.

"I now know that you would have done anything to be there for me. I know it's crazy but I thought with my change you would not like me anymore, but I now realise that you will always love me for being me." She started to sniffle. He put his hands on her shoulder urging her to continue. "I didn't fall in love with you by chance. I wanted to and I did. I know it took me a long time to get there but I did and your blind faith in me has always been the rock that holds us together." She turned to face him.

"I don't know if I could ever forget the pain you put me through, not just the accident but the flirting too. I mean how many times have you done that to try and get a role? Part of me can't help feeling that you probably cheated on me if you could easily just do that without thinking of the consequences and how I would feel. It was so thoughtless and selfish of you and now you're sitting her telling me you love me. How do you expect me to believe anything you say after the way you behaved?" Leonard was now getting angry as he let out all the emotions that had built up since this nightmare started. He continued, "Did you even think of my feelings? Did you think of the embarrassment it cost me or how disrespectful that was? Everyone laughing at me because once again l have been treated like I am not that important in your life. All I ever did was treat you with respect and show you love but you couldn't even have the decency to respect me. Did you even think about me or how I would feel if I found out? I guess not because you are so selfish and self-centred. All you think about is yourself, not caring if you hurt me. I'm so angry with you right now I don't even want to look at you," he stood up and headed for the door. Penny was in tears.

"Leonard." he stopped but refused to turn around to look her. "PLEASE Leonard, look at me." She begged.

"No Penny, I don't want to." As he carried on walking, she spoke.

"I deserve everything you said. You are right I was selfish and took you for granted back then. I now realise what a horrible person I was. I had a lot of time to think and see how mean I was to you. I'm sorry you have always being there for me when I needed you and would do anything for me but I threw all that in your face because I was stupid and it took this accident to make me realise what a horrible person I've become. I have changed Leonard, I promise you that I hated myself for the way I treated you and all I want to do is make it up to you and be a better person just like you." She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder; he brushed it away and said.

"I believed that our relationship was unique and beyond betrayal and hurt but I guess I was wrong." He headed out the door.

* * *

><p>Penny entered her apartment. Her brother looked up from the couch. He could see she had been crying. She rushed to her room and locks the door.<p>

He walked up to her door and could hear her cries.

"Penny, are you okay?" he asked.

"Leave me alone Paul."

"Not when you are like this. Did he upset you?"

"Just go away Paul."

"Okay Penny, have it your way but I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

He walked back to the couch and sat down.

He wondered what had happened. They looked so in love in the hallway before their talk and now she was upset. What did Leonard say to her? Paul decided to confront Leonard and find out why his sister was so upset.

Sheldon open the door to Paul. "Sheldon, is Leonard around?"

"He is in his room I must warn you he is not in a very good mood. Did Penny upset him?"

"I don't know. Penny came in upset as well. I just want to find out what happened." Paul said.

"Come in. Leonard and Penny are driving me crazy. I hope they will sort out their differences soon, or I will have to move out." Sheldon complained.

They walked towards Leonard room. "Good luck I'll go and make some tea just in case," Sheldon said.

Paul knocked on Leonard's door.

"Go away, Sheldon I'm not in the mood."

"It's Penny brother. Can we talk Leonard."

"What do you want?"

"I just want to meet you and maybe chat about what's going on with you and my sister."

"I have nothing to say about the matter," he said bitterly.

"Penny has said many nice things about you and just wanted to meet you. We don't have to talk about her."

He opened the door and said "Sorry I didn't mean to be rude I'm just having a bad day. I am Leonard it nice to finally meet you."

"Paul, likewise. I've heard so many good things about you. Can I come in so we can talk in private? It's about Penny's state of mind."

"Sure. Why? What's wrong with her?" Leonard asked, getting worried.

"It just I'm worried about her. She seems to think everything that happened to her was her punishment for treating you badly and feels you are misunderstanding and judging her which upsets her and I worry what she might do if you guys do not resolve this."

"How about how I feel?" Leonard's neck was tense and his chest was burning. He wondered if he might need his inhaler. "I feel angry also because I keep assuming she intended to be hurtful, and I don't feel like I deserved all the pain she has inflicted on me. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy and love me as much as I love her," Leonard said.

"She does love you but as you know she has a funny way of showing it, and I believe Penny has opened up a lot about her feelings for you and I know they are genuine. She my sister and this is the first time I have ever known her to care about someone so passionately."

"Really? You think so?"

"Yes she is in her bedroom right now crying her eyes out. I hate seeing her so vulnerable, alone and lost. She is hurting too just as much as you maybe even worse."

Leonard did not know what to say. He felt bad that he couldn't bring himself to forgive her.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be horrible but how can I trust someone who easily flirts with someone else without thinking how I would feel?"

"Leonard sometimes Penny does things without even thinking she doesn't do it to be spiteful but when she realises it's not right she puts a stop to it. Even when we were kids she used to always hide my favourite teddy bear and thought it was funny. When I told her it upset me she stopped because she realised I didn't like it. Penny does love you; I saw it when she moved back to Nebraska. All she did was talk about you and how she wanted nothing more than to be part of your life again."

Paul looked at Leonard. He could see he was thinking. He hoped he had got through to him.

"I don't know what to do," said Leonard, defeat evident in his statement.

"Talk to her. Just tell her how and what you're feeling. I'm going to go for a walk I'll be gone awhile. Nice meeting you Leonard."

"Yes it was, and thank you."

As he left Leonard's bedroom Paul turned and said, "You promised my Dad that you will never give up on her. I hope that hasn't changed."

* * *

><p>Leonard hated that Penny was upset. He needed to resolve this issue once and for all. He had listened to advice from his friends and Paul. Why couldn't he see like everyone else that Penny had changed? She loved him, she said so herself. He needed to stop thinking negatively and start seeing the positive side of Penny and put to rest what had happened. He now saw the vulnerable, lost Penny and he wasn't helping her by being angry. He needed to be there for her.<p>

Leonard knocked on Penny's door but got no answer. He knocked a few more times before he decided to go in. Her door was not locked. He couldn't see Penny in the sitting room so he walked toward her bedroom. The door was locked and he could hear crying. It broke his heart to think he was the cause of her pain.

"Penny?" he knocked softly. She didn't answer. "Penny," he said again, "Please let me in I'm sorry for earlier." Still no response.

"Penny I'm just going to sit here and talk okay?" He slipped down to a sitting position next to her bedroom door. He took a deep breath and continued. "The past months have been really hard for me, not knowing where I stand with you, thinking you were cheating on me, and then going missing and me thinking you ran off with that guy, not knowing where you were and for months, going through hurt and pain and you coming back as Amber and making me fall in love with you all over again. I never gave up on you even when I thought I was in love with Amber because I believe we were meant to be. I was going to find you. I loved you Penny. I felt angry with you because I have always struggled with saying no to you."

He stopped as he struggled with his emotions and trying not to break down. "Penny, real love doesn't care what you look like or because you've changed. It's more concerned about what's inside. Even with all your flaws, mistakes and the plastic surgery I still think you're amazing Penny. Loneliness hurts but when you feel rejected it's the worst feeling ever. I was ready to give up on you but couldn't find the courage to do it. I needed closure, but finding you again and learning of what you went through made me realise I want to hold you and wipe away your tears and will love you forever and always. I'm not angry with you anymore and I have forgiven you. It's always been you Penny."

Penny opened her door he could see her beet red face and puff up eyes tears streaming down her face. He opened up his hands for her to come to him she crashes into his arms as they held each other so tightly like their lives depended on it, both crying tears of joy as past lovers reunited.

"I love you so much Leonard I promise you, I will never hurt you again"

"I love you too Penny. I always have from the first day I met you."

He pulled her into a kiss which she gladly accepted. They both shivered as their lips met, the passion still evident.


	15. Chapter 15

Paul arrived back from his walk and entered 4b what he saw melted his heart and a smile on his face.

Leonard and Penny were on the floor outside her bedroom asleep. They looked so peaceful sleeping and holding on to each other like their lives depended on it. The smile on their sleeping faces said it all. He couldn't help muttered, "ahhhhh so adorable." he slowly exited the apartment.

Leonard woke up to the sun ray coming in through penny's bedroom door the curtains not closed after they woke up on the floor of her bedroom and went to bed. He looked at the beauty snuggled into him a wide smile appeared on his face. "You came into my life like a dream come true," he whispered to a sleeping Penny. He needed to pee so he quietly untangled himself from penny to use the bathroom, glad he didn't wake her up. They had spent the night just holding each other and talking about nothing until sleep took them.

It was a lovely day, well Leonard thought it was with his heart full of happiness he looked out the window from penny living room. He could see the dark clouds moving in. It was threatening to rain, but it never pours until it rains. Just like Penny he thought she had a hard time opening up but when she does, all her feeling pours out like the rain. He smiled at this so cute when she opened up. It wasn't often but so loving when she did. He thought about all that had happened last night, the talk the emotional release, the bad vibes he had been harbouring and the love he had for this woman. As a scientist he couldn't explain the maths behind it, he was drawn to her, the urge to love her was overwhelming. She was truly one of a kind. He loved her, and no amount of science can explain it, he just does. He promised her one more chance, will she keep to her word or regress and hurt me again he thought. He shook that thought away. There no sense in her making promising that she can't keep. He walks back toward her bedroom.

Penny woke up she thought she had dreamt the events of last night. She was about to panic when she heard the toilet flush she hoped he would come back to bed for some more cuddles, but was disappointed when he headed to the living room. He probably went to get some water as she waited for him. She thought how lucky she was to find a man like Leonard, who loved her as she is not judging her or cared about her past mistakes. Those were some of the qualities that made it so easy to love him. A stray tear fell from her eye, a tear of joy. She was finally happy again. She made a promise to herself. Never to hurt him ever, she loved him with all her heart and vowed to repair his broken heart piece by piece every day until it heals. Leonard was the one. She had never met a man that she want to say I do like she wants with Leonard.

Leonard appeared at the door just as Penny came out of the bathroom.

"Hey sleepyhead," giving her that smile she loves so much.

"Hey you" biting on her bottom lip. He closed the distance, wrapping his arms around her; he kissed her gently on the lips.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"I slept like a baby. Thanks to you."

"Yeah the way you held onto me and wouldn't let go all night said it all." Leonard chuckled.

"I missed your cuddles and this was the first good night sleep I have had since the accident." looking down at her feet."

"I'm sorry Penny I didn't mean to upset you, do you want to go back to bed?"

She nods her head as he led her to bed. She lies on him resting her head on his chest relive washing all over her as she recalled the events of last night. She drew patterns on his chest snuggling as close as she could to him. She felt physically happy in his company she had her Leonard back. She looked up at him as their eye met the urge to kiss him was overwhelming. He must have read her mind he did exactly that. It started slow and sensual and soon enough they gave in to their needs and craving for each other.

Feelings, of happiness and contentment. They both stared into each other's eyes. The desires and sexual fulfilment evident they didn't need words, just laid in bed, like a couple of teenagers who had just had sex for the first time.

"You're important to me Leonard" putting her hands on his face, "I should have known better and trust you" she snuggled back into his chest.

"It's all in the past now it's a fresh start for you and me I will care for you and protect you Penny you don't have to be scared anymore.",

"Thank you, Leonard that means a lot to me knowing that you will always be there for me." With those words spoken she felt a rush of affection for him, she looked up at him and moved her head up. She kissed him on the lips her need for him was like a drug.

"So what would you like to do today?" She face him and said. "I would like nothing better than stay in bed with you all day honey, can we just have a lazy day," she begged.

"Okay but we are going to have to leave the bedroom at some point to forage for food and use the bathroom." Smiling at her.

"All my needs are right here I don't need to leave." Tapping his nose.

"So Amber who was that boyfriend you were hurting for?" He asked with a grin.

"That was you silly and my name is Penny I just wanted to feel close to you knowing we were going through the same emotions."

"Oh good I thought it was some new guy glad it was me." He chuckled.

"It always being you Leonard. Life without you sucked big time for me."

"Penny life without you was horrible I do not want to go through anything like that again."

"I'm sorry Leonard you never will. I promise. I'm at my happiest when I'm with you, You took me to a place that no one else has ever taken me and no one will, because without you I'm nothing."

"Penny. Stop it you going to make me cry. I feel emotionally bonded to you, and we can overcome any obstacles in our way. We will get stronger and stronger your love is all I ever wanted."

"You've got it Leonard," kissing him on the cheek and trying not to cry. "Don't you forget that?"

"I wouldn't my weakness so are you going to let go of me so we can get something to eat?"

"No mister I'm never letting you go. She laughed.

"My stomach is rumbling I promise we come back to bed for more cuddle and mind blowing sex when we finish eating. I need all the energy I can get for our work out." He grinned.

"I will hold you to that, your baby needs a lot of loving, tender and care." She said grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Come on let's go forage for some food." as he intertwine their fingers, they moved to the kitchen to prepared some high energy lunch."

After lunch, that consisted of lots of bacon, sausages and eggs Penny sat on the couch rubbing her belly while Leonard cleared up.

"I'm so full; I don't think I will be able to eat for days," Looking at Leonard "Is that a brownie" she piped up. Leonard just laughs as he held the brownie up and how adorable she looked when she gets excited.

"I thought you were full" he smirked.

"I'm but I could eat one or two. Gimme, gimme holding out her hand.

They spend the rest of the day fooling around and getting to know each other again. The intimacy slowing coming back and the sexual fulfilment never died. Penny was so happy every chance she was cuddling or sitting on his lap her arms around his neck and planting little kisses all over his face. Leonard loved the attention and soap it all up. Leonard and Penny went to bed in the early hours of the morning exhausted from their love making and sleep came quickly for both them.

Waking up in the late afternoon they decided to go out for some fresh air after being cooped up in her apartment for nearly two days.

They showered together. Leonard loved soaping penny's back that turn into a make out session. An hour later they had something to eat and then left to go to the park.

It was a bright and sunny day, they arrived at the park it was full of couples, kids playing sports, they decided to find a quiet spot to be alone from all the noise.

"So this is a lovely spot."

"It is Leonard." Penny sat on the grass resting her head on his shoulder.

"Leonard I just want you to know the text thing meant nothing. I am in love with you I was just scared to tell you."

"Why Penny I will never hurt you."

"I know Leonard I was so insecure thinking that you would get bored with me one day and dump me for some smart and beautiful girl.

"Penny you know I would never do that you are smart and beautiful too me. Kissing her head.

"I thought the only way I could keep you from leaving me was to keep you guessing so you would keep wanting me. It sounds silly and I'm sorry. I love you so much Leonard.

"I love you too but all that did was make me insecure because like you I thought I would lose you to some tall, muscular guy."

"I guess we were both scared of losing each other," Penny said.

"Penny that's all in the past now we are starting afresh. I want us to talk more about our feelings and fears, what is bothering us, and talk about them because it will help us become stronger as a couple."

"I want that too I want us to be honest with one another and not be afraid to say what's on our minds."

"Me too Penny, please don't get mad but have you thought more about counselling?

"Yes. I have considered it. And if it helps me to get better then I am all for it."

"We could do it together I know I need it too.

"You would do it for me? She asked.

"Not just for you but for me and us. I think you need to do it to come to terms with the traumatic event that occurs. As a result of the distressing event that led to your suffering, and I would love to do it with you."

"That's so sweet Leonard. Let's do it I'm so glad you want to do it with me."

"Supporting each other is the key. You could not have been prepared for what you went through, but there was nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. We are going to do this penny. Heal our wounds together." They both smiled and kissed.

They sat there listening to the bird's singing and watching the squirrels gathering nuts and the dogs running around chasing things.

Leonard stood up and put out his hand to penny and said "come on I get you some ice-cream" penny's face lit up.

"Really can I get my favourite you know with lots of chocolate syrup" taking his hand to pull her up.

"For you anything as long as you promise not to put some on the tip of my nose like you always do."

"Well you can't eat ice cream you know because you're lactose intolerance it's kinda cute when I get to lick it off."

"Yeah about that, it's gross."

* * *

><p>Three months later<p>

Leonard and Penny spend all their free time together he loved this new Penny, who fussed over him. This side of Penny was what Leonard had wanted when they got back together. They now talk about their feeling openly. The counselling had helped them come to terms with what they both went through, Penny was more confident and was now dealing with the changes in her life accepting that she looked different but inside still the same person. With Leonard's support, her life had changed for the better. Penny's dream was to be a famous actress it was her destiny but all that changed when she met Leonard she found something better and wonderful, Leonard. She now saw life differently, realising what is important to her. Her family and friends. They are always there for you. But most importantly the love of her heart and soul. Leonard.

"Penny" she looks up from her vantage point on the floor looking for the TV control. "Yes honey."

"I'm not confused about you anymore."

"What do you mean Leonard?" Giving him a worried look.

"Well our relationship has always been a touch and go not knowing where I stood with you. The fear of losing you not knowing if I'm doing the right thing. All this things were so confusing to me but now I see that you just did things differently. What I always wanted from the first time I met you was to be there for you and make you happy. The last couples of months with you have been the happiest I've seen you, and it just feels my heart with joy."

"Well it's all down to you and agreeing to come back in my life. I know I do things that are so confusing like not telling you how I feel or taking you for granted. But I'm getting there, and I promise that part of me no longer exist, I am going to spend my life proving to you how much I love you sweetie." Pulling his chin to her, so they were looking into each other's eyes.

"You want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Yes Leonard if you have me."

"There is nothing more I want. But to have you in my life forever Penny. I love you so much."

She rests her head on his lap her smile hiding a tear and said. "I love you too my Leonard I will never run away from your love again. I now know what love is."

* * *

><p>The End<p>

* * *

><p>AN. Thank you for reading, reviewing and favouriting this story/author and sticking with me. It was hard to write so much angst as a big L/P Fan but in the end love conquers all. This story cut into a lot of my time which in turn affected my job and social life. But I enjoyed reading all the reviews you guys are awesome. I am not sure if I'm going to write another long story again but for now taking a break.


End file.
